Raaachem.com | Boss Bizness

I perused the aisles of Whole Foods yesterday and within 5 minutes was having a full on conversation with the produce guy.  15 minutes later, another patron tried to talk to me because he “liked my eyes.”  Before checking out, one of the other workers told me I was beautiful and while on my way to the car, someone had the balls to stop me to ask if I could take down his number.  If you’re counting, that’s 4 attempts during one trip to Whole Foods, in sweats, no makeup and with a massive pimple on my chin at that.

Jeyel would call these #RaaachemProblems.  Not that they’re problems to begin with, I mean, I’m flattered.  It’s just that, attention from strangers isn’t really my thing.  It’s great and it’s flattering, but the thing is I’m not really looking for attention.  What I’m looking for, is respect.  What I’m looking for, is a mutual understanding.  Granted, those things don’t usually come upon first glance, nor do they come neatly packaged on aisle 14A at Whole Foods either.

Talk to anyone with a little common sense and they’d tell me to just “Play on, Playette.”  Add to the roster, Collect then Select.  I tried that.  You know where it got me? Not where I wanted to be. In reality, my roster looks like this:  I’m seeing a man who doesn’t want a relationship, I had feelings for a man who doesn’t want to date a mother, and I’m missing a man who is no kind of good for me.  That right there?  Those are #RaaachemProblems.

So I’m tired of entertaining for the sake of entertaining.  I’m tired of the kind of attention that I don’t need.  I’m tired of the guys who approach me who simply wish to add me to their roster.  Although I am tired of being lonely, I refuse to settle for just attention.  And like I was telling Abi on NYE, I’m kind of sick and tired of having 10 guys I don’t care about tell me I’m beautiful and bad and alla that, when the one person I wish was telling me all these things is nowhere to be found.  #RaaachemProblems.  Probably, but they’re real to me.

Throwin’ it back on a Thursday!  Originally written 06.17.10.

The Devil’s in the details.   ‘CHUCH.

It’s the smallest things that make the biggest difference.   The hug from your son after a long day at work.   The cupcake from your best friend “just because.”   The compliment a stranger gives you on your new hair.  The funny face he made at you that turns out to be the best part of your Monday.

You see, as women, we notice.   We notice when you call us “Sweetheart” or smile coyly at us in the mirror.   We notice when you cut your hair, get a new tee, or have a new scent.  We notice the way you walk into a room and how your eyes shoot straight to us upon doing so.  We notice the way your voice changes when you say our name.   (And we definitely notice the way our knees buckle when you do. )

We also notice when you stop saying, “I love you, too” when u get off the phone.   We notice when you forget date night or fail to say anything about our new haircut. We notice when your dirty socks haven’t left the same spot on the floor for three days.  THREE DAYS SEVENTEEN HOURS AND 32 MINUTES TO BE EXACT.   And we notice that the only reason they made it to the hamper is because we put ‘em there.

It may seem silly or unimportant, but please believe we notice when you stop paying attention.  And after ignoring all the little things that could be noticed, the only thing you actually do notice is our unwillingness to “Hook you up” last night???

N****A, PLEASE.

The Devil’s in the details.  ‘CHUCH.

I recently had a conversation with somebody that I had been meaning to have.  You know, the talk. THE talk.  The talk to figure out what it is that you’re doing.  The talk that induces cold sweats and stuttering from seemingly normal people.  Yeah, that one.

Usually I’m the one talking.  This is what I want to do and this is how I want to do it. This time was a little bit different, as I was listening, absorbing, and processing, all while trying to come up with a response that didn’t leave me sounding like a dumbfounded 5 year old.  It didn’t work as well as I had thought.  The preceding silence didn’t quite mean that the check for understanding I had just done was successful.  I suppose with the silence came the noise of my thoughts.   Over-analyzing every word that was said and dissecting every bit of information laid out on the table.

To say I slept restlessly is an understatement.  My mind wouldn’t turn off, as I was trying to sort through the thoughts of the afore mentioned conversation.  Usually, the daylight brought clarity, but that morning, I couldn’t find any through the blinds.  Something wasn’t sitting well with me and it was going to take more than what I was doing to figure it out.

So what was it?  What is the fact that he verbalized what I had already deduced?  Was it that this might have been the first honest communication I’ve had with a man in years? Or was it that he did not spare my ego for shit, as I had been used to?  No, it wasn’t any of those.  Perhaps it was that he insulted my intelligence with assuming that I didn’t already know what he was going to say.

Abi said here that WE GET IT. And we do.  We hella get it.  It’s just that, you already got us.  And while we’re getting everything you’re saying, we’re also getting everything you aren’t.  What we don’t get, is how you can be so blasé about…well…everything.  But *sigh* I get that too.

I’ve come to the conclusion that, with age comes wisdom and understanding. I understand better now, regardless if I like it or not. But seriously, all this nonsense is gonna need to stop making so much sense to me.  Honesty begets clarity? The only thing clear to me is that honestly, I was happier being an ignorant motherfucker.

Oh My.  I would maybe sort of kind of give a reflection on the last year but I just don’t feel like it.  The other day I wrote a FB status that kind of got some people up in arms about it.  I said “If you’re a woman who lets the man you’re seeing pay for EVERYTHING, you’re simply prostituting yourself. Treat your man every once in awhile. He’s not the only one who’s gotta earn his keep!” 

It all started with a Twitter conversation that really opened my eyes to the fact that women feel entitled to be treated a certain way by a man, even when they are undeserving.  Women are out here being the way they are, talk out of their necks, expect to be treated like a queen, and yet refuse to act like one.  Is that why it’s so hard to find a good man now a days?  Hm.

My resolution for the new year is simply to ween myself off of my iPhone.  I knew I was attached to my phone, but didn’t realize it was as bad as it is until my friends pointed it out.  I don’t mean to be rude, nor do I want to lose all ounce of social skill that I acquired.  So, putting the phone away is bullet point number 1.

This year has been life changing, and I’m sorry I haven’t been documenting it as much as I should have been.  Promise for the new year I will also be on here more, doing what I love to do.  Write.  I’m going to offer up some pictures from THE BEST NEW YEAR’S EVE EVER with my favorite people.  I love my girls.  Forreal.

Another year older, another year wiser.  Thanks to everyone who came out to celebrate with Michelle and I for our birthdays.  Love is love.  Hope y’all had as much fun as we did!

(via What The Hellz?!) 

Ego is a motherfucker.

Any woman who tells you she doesn’t let her ego get in the way of her life is a lying sack of shit.  It’s the little things that feed our ego, when the man you’re seeing texts you something sweet and unexpected at 1:35am on a Sunday.  When he makes plans with you 3 days out of the week, and puts his arm around you when you’re not looking.  It’s also the little things that fuel the crazy.  When he doesn’t text you back for 3 hours, or doesn’t invite you over on a lonely night.  Don’t be foolish enough to think that on the other 4 days of the week he’s not with another girl. Exclusivity can never be assumed.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again,:  unless there is talk of commitment, there is none.  And that thing that’s getting in your way of having the talk is your ego.  What if he rejects you?  What if he doesn’t feel the same way you do?  Or what if he tells you to your face what you already know:  That he doesn’t want to be exclusive with you.  Ouch.

How soon is too soon to have “the talk?”   I’ve known girls who have waited as little as a week and as long as a year.  The latter relationship ended with a broken heart and the man running back to his ex while the former relationship is still going strong.  Clear cut communication seems to have been the key, but like Abi says here, some of us would rather burn our hair than talk about our feelings.    But to state your intentions from the gate would save our egos and our hearts.

The thing is, not all of us know exactly what we want all the time. Some of us don’t know if the man we’re sleeping next to is the man we want to be waking up with.  Some of us don’t care who calls us tonight as long as someone calls.  And even then, when we find a condom wrapper in his bathroom garbage, we don’t know if its our heart or our ego that’s hurt.   So then what?

I want to be with a man who knows exactly what he wants. It’s just that I gotta figure that shit out for myself first.

MIXOLOGI has teamed up with ANKH MARKETING to bring us an unforgettable New Year’s Eve at SLOANE SQUARE[D]. Hip-hop legend DJ Talib Kweli and Bay Area native DJ D-Sharp will ring us straight into the new year as SLOANE SQUARE[D] re-opens it’s beautifully renovated space.  Come and spend your New Year’s with us!

Buy your tickets HERE!

What a roller coaster year it’s been.  I sat at my computer reflecting, read over the blog posts from last December and ran through the lat 12 months of my timeline.  What a difference a year makes, huh?  Life has a funny way of working itself out, and I find myself back at square one.  Not EXACTLY in the same place, and absolutely not in the same state of mind, but… ok scratch that.  I’m nowhere near where I was last December and it feels… different.  lol.  Over the last year, the one thing that has stuck with me the most is that people are who they are – NEVER who you want them to be.   The only way to keep from getting hurt is to accept that from the gate, and stop looking at people through rose colored glasses.  How can you expect people to stay real, when you refuse to see or  accept the real them?  Just some food for thought.

Enjoy some pictures from my recent adventures.  I miss you guys, and this blog.  #1 New Year’s resolution is to continue writing.  =)

Mayka, Jess, and I were invited to host a Poshmark Posh Party this evening. Tracy, LyAnn, and Carlina were more than hospitable as we grubbed, talked about our Christmas plans and of course, shopped each other’s closets. I had way too much fun for my own good and I cannot wait to see all of you in the next one.  For those of you with iPhones, download the Poshmark app and start shopping!