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To New Beginnings

Raaachem — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 15:06:46 +0000

June is over already?! Whaaat?!?! If you didn’t catch my short story on Hellz last month, now’s your chance! Here’s part 2 of June’s story… click for parts 1, 3, and 4…. (And don’t forget to read part 1 of this month’s story, Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell) Enjoy!

To New Beginnings – part 2.

As I’m wrapping these picture frames in bubble wrap, I stop. My erratic breathing catches and I actively force myself to swallow a throat full of tears. Surrounded by box after box after box of my clothes, shoes, pictures, and belongings, I feel a sense of displacement.

I neither belong here nor there. I no longer belong here, as I’m packing my things up. I can’t stay here, I can’t leave myself here. I don’t belong there yet… my future apartment is currently empty, dark, unknown. I have not yet made any memories, imprinted any footmarks. I belong in boxes, somewhere in between. I am in limbo.

My entire life as I’ve known it now fits into 10 boxes, into 1 U-haul, parked in 1 driveway. I’ve never felt so small nor so insignificant, ever. I take a second and vow to make a bigger difference, to create waves, to build opportunities and open my own doors. I promise myself to be remarkable, starting today. I tell myself that I am all that I have. No one will be there to bail me out, pick me up, pay for my rent…. and I better not let myself down.

I walk out into the driveway and see that look again. I go down the line of people standing there, waiting. Waiting for me to get up and leave. Waiting for me to start a new life. Waiting for me to drive off into the sunset so they can finally let themselves cry. My mom, then my Dad, my sisters, my best friend, and then Him. He is the last one in line.

He hugs me. He hugs me so tight, I can’t breathe.
“I love you. Don’t go. Please.”

It could be so easy to just say fuck it. Run back upstairs, unpack these measely 10 boxes into my old room, order pizza, and resume my life. But as much as I’m unsure about my future, I do know this: I know that I do not belong here.

After he hugs me, I grab his hand. It’s a hand that I’ve grown to love over the course of our relationship. It’s the hand that held mine as we walked down the street to dinner. The same hand that comforted me when I was sick and wiped away the tears from the loss of my grandmother. Its the hand that caresses my face in bed and points at me during our uncontrollable bits of laughter. I know this hand as it has become my safety net. I hold this hand as tight, and as long as I can bear to stand.

And then I hear this little voice inside my head say, “I want a bigger life, therefore I will be the bigger person.”

So, I let go.

Because letting go isn’t about giving up. It’s about growing up, and its about damn time I do so.

To Dye For

Raaachem — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 16:00:03 +0000

Lawn and the rest of my folks over at Hellz SERIOUSLY need to just stop. Cuz my wallet isn’t very happy with me right now. Check out the Summer drop, perfect for when summer actually decides to grace us with its presence.

Summer is a season notorious for adventure and spontaneity, which provided the perfect inspiration for the HELLZ Summer ‘To Dye For’ delivery. The collection is composed of bold silhouettes as summer staples, combined with marble dye fabric and fringe details in a dynamic mixture that reflects summer; the love the lust, fate and fortune, all things ‘To Dye For’… pun intended!

She Keeps on Passin Me By.

Raaachem — Thu, 06 May 2010 18:37:20 +0000

April’s short story for Hellz Bellz. Read parts 1, 2, 3, and 5 on Hellz.

She Keeps on Passin Me By – Part 4.

I pull up to the parking lot and prep myself for today’s possibilities. I hope she’s here. Will I have the balls to say more than 5 words to her? I hop out the car and as I walk towards the gym I tell myself…

Be cool. Be normal.

She’s walks out of the front door just as I’m saying this outloud. She smiles. FUCK I hope she didn’t hear me, cuz thats neither cool nor normal. She’s grabbing something out of her car — a black 4Runner with snowboard racks. She snowboards? She’s the outdoors type? That’s hot, I like that. Maybe I can ask her about that today…. What can I say to her without sounding like a total ruh-tard?

“My dear, my dear, my dear, you do not know me but I know you very well
Now let me tell you about the feelings I have for you.”

As I’m sitting there waiting, tryin to think of something cool and normal to say, she walks back in. She looks right at me and smiles; I could get used to this.

I get up to walk in and accidentally smash her with my ridiculously large gym bag. Mortified, I quickly turn around and grab her to apologize. I’m holding her hand…. and she’s holding mine back.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine, don’t worry.”

I wonder if she’s aware of our hand holding right now, because every nerve in my body is on FIRE. My feet want to dance, my head is screaming, “Go hand! Go hand!” We’re touching. On purpose. And looking at her is like looking in the mirror because we both have this crazy wide smile on our faces. I almost feel like I’m 15 again.

Be cool. Be normal.

One-Two-Three-Four-Five *SMILE*

Class is amazing, complete with butterflies from the occasional eye contact and smile. I have the most clever thing to say to her after class today. I can’t wait. As we’re all prepping to leave, I’m just waiting for the right moment to initiate a conversation. She’s not looking my way. She’s getting up and walking past… I wave. Nothing. And just like that, she’s gone again.

“Whenever she happens to walk by, why does the apple of my eye
Overlook and disregard my feelings no matter how much I try?”

HELLZ HATH NO FURY.

Raaachem — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 19:30:33 +0000

I rep. HARD.

HELLZ SPRING “HELLZ HATH NO FURY” – VIDEO SHORT

Hellz Spring 2010 Video Short!

Title: “Hellz hath no fury”

Directed by: LANIE & BAMSKI
Edited by: IKSMAB
Writer: Brittany Wood
Actress #1: Mink Jin
Actress #2: Alice Kallenius
Actress #3: Donovan
Photography by: Allen Chu
Music by: Marie La Foret

http://www.vimeo.com/11059354

http://whatthehellz.com/wordpress/?p=14164

As Spring reaches it’s mid-point with the newly released “Oh Bondage, Up Yours!”, Hellz welcomes in a new kind of medium to the usual uniformity of a look-book, and creates a life like version of the strong feminine aesthetic Hellz is known for in the video short “Hellz Hath No fury”. The short film features the form flattering “Runaways” mesh bust dress, as well as a few other Hellz Spring favorites. “Hellz Hath No Fury” represents Hellz as a dominant individual taking charge, and standing tall in an industry that involves a heavy does of dog-eat-dog mentality and boundless confidence. ” Hellz Hath No Fury”, follow no one and never shy from your own future

About HELLZ:Hellz was born the brainchild of Lanie & Bam in the gritty streets of New York and let loose upon the world in 2005. Hellz aims to reintroduce strength, individuality, and sexual empowerment with a sassy, balls to the walls approach. Kill that cutesy, helpless damsel in distress noise; the bad girls, the bookworms, and divas alike are represented. To reflect a woman deeper than the hyper-feminine stereotype, Hellz calls to all women to confront conformity, tear down boundaries, and rewrite the rules. From the back alleys to the art galleries, the suburbs to Broadway…wake up, take charge, and let it be known, “LONG LIVE HELLZ!”

www.HELLZ-BELLZ.com

www.WhatTheHellz.com

Electric Relaxation

Raaachem — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 21:02:04 +0000

March’s short story for Hellz was a fun one! Check out parts 1, 2, and 4 on Hellz! Stay tuned for April’s short story comin’ atcha tomorrow. its DOOZY and my favorite one to date. =)

Electric Relaxation – part 3.

Fuck. This. Shit.

I can’t take this shit. This being ignored type shit. I’m tired of being his “back door bitch.” I want that come thru the front door, fuck him the daylight, hold hands down the street type shit. That kiss me in the daytime when we go get ice cream type shit. I want to leave my toothbrush at his house type shit. I left my boyfriend for him, he needs to awknowledge me type shit. I want that “not just a booty call” but a girl to call just to say hi type shit.

Cuz I don’t like this drunk texting type shit. Or this “call you when I’m alone” type shit. And this flirt with other girls then text me to come over type shit. Then that leave in the morning before you go to work type shit. And I especially hate this “Baby Baby Baby” not callin’ me by my name type shit.

Did i sign up for this type shit? Did I set myself up for this type shit?

I’m calling bullshit.

He wants that shit, I’ma give him that shit. That I-can-fuck-around-too-type-shit. I can pretend like I don’t care type shit. That he ain’t no thang type shit.

Gah.

And I ain’t gonna fall for his godamn smirk shit, either.

I gotta admit tho….I kinda love that shit.

the flowers are blooming in Hellz.

Raaachem — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 15:14:22 +0000

It’s motherfucking springtime… and Lawn never ceases to amaze me with her releases. I got a sneak peek at the Hellz Bellz Spring ’10 line the last time I was in LA, and honey lemme tell you, I’ve been peeing my panties ever since.

Please believe everything here will soon be in my closet. Check the new line here and the new and improved site! Go ‘head Lawn…

Hellz is proud to present our new Spring Collection, “Obsessed with You,” a collection photographed by Brooke Nipar and modeled by Xian, that reflects an obscure view of modern fashion and the obsession that it becomes. A minimal color story reflects the theme of obsession with the main focus on the unique and simplistic details of each silhouette. The Killa, in particular, is a cowl neck tunic given a hint of seductiveness through the use of a subtle zipper detail at the back of the dress. An exciting new take on the traditional blazer is Coat Tailz, which features a circle cut and a unique draped back.

With this new and daring collection, Hellz continues to cross boundaries with well thought-out design and carefully crafted details as well as demonstrating that fashion may be work to some and it may be a hobby for others, but for popular culture it will forever be an obsession.

The Ex-Files

Raaachem — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 21:34:52 +0000

sorry for the lag on posting January’s short story. This ones taken straight from my personal vault…. Don’t forget to read parts 2, 3, and 4 on What The Hellz!

———————–

The Tale of a Girlfriend #2.

I smiled ear to ear as my boyfriend tells my mom he loves me. ”I love your daughter. I just wanted you to know.” My mom gave me that look.. (you know, that look) while simultaneously fake smiling at my new boyfriend of 6 weeks.

What a whirlwind six weeks it was though. Six weeks ago we locked eyes at Starbucks and I found myself infatuated with this man. Five weeks ago, we shared our first kiss at Ocean Beach. Four weeks ago he called me his girlfriend. Three weeks ago I met his parents. Two weeks ago he took me on our first trip to So-Cal. Last week he told me he loved me. Today, he tells my mom.

I watch him leave voicemails for three girls, telling them all that he’s with somebody now, and that they need to stop whatever they’re doing. Funny, I didnt even know he was seeing other people until the day before. He was driving me to the mall in my car, and I leaned over to kiss him. I can’t kiss him enough, I kind of almost make myself sick. Suddenly, he stiffens up and looks away, and I wonder what the fuck is going on. He points to the car in front of us, one of his side girls being the driver. I can see her looking at me in her rear view mirror….. she looks like a 12 year old boy.

I ask why it matters, and he tells me their story. I’m not really paying attention because I’m too annoyed that they even have a story. Who the fuck is she and why is my man trippin if she sees us?

“We used to have this thing…. we told each other we’d always be friends…. she’s dating this other guy now but he doesnt know about us…blah blah womp womp.”

Oh what was that? I couldn’t hear over the sound of me blacklisting the bitch.

I thought about this while I watched him dial her number and mentally added a checkmark to my “Win” column. I win. I heard him tell the other two breezies the same deal, and added two more checkmarks to my side. I’m petty and I’m a bitch but I really don’t care.

I win. I win over her, and her, and her. He loves me, and I win.

hala ka diyan.

Raaachem — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:30:40 +0000

i wrote this post on the Hellz blog last week about spaking ur children and oh BOY did i get a response. from agreeing with me, to completely disagreeing with me and calling me “disgusting”… i got a lot of heated, heartfelt comments about it. you can read the original post with all comments HERE. lemme know your thoughts? i’m interested in your take on the matter.

isa! dalawa!

Posted by raaachem on January 22nd, 2010

shit. whenever i heard my mom counting, i knew i was in trouble.  in fact, i was gonna get my ass beat and there was nothing i could do about it.

jess put me on to this article in hearty mag:

Debra Danielsen, mother of Farrah Abraham who stars in MTV’s reality series Teen Mom, was arrested yesterday for domestic assault. According to the Omaha World Herald, Danielsen was standing three feet from Farrah holding two knives and screaming when the police entered their Iowa home. Danielsen refused to comply with police orders to drop the knives and the officers drew their guns on her. Reports state that Farrah and her mother had been fighting over childcare issues and other “problems”.

where do i even begin? long gone are the days of my youth, where anyone older than you could discipline you by kicking your butt (strangers, and family members included).

all my aunties, uncles and older cousins had every right to discipline me when i’d get out of line, and please believe they did.   i even remember the principal at my elementary school would spank kids everytime they would get an infraction.

hitting children was just the way it went. it was discipline and it was soooo necessary. how the fuck else were we supposed to know how to act right, right?

then came the day when some smart-ass-all-kinds-of-wrong-kinda kid figured out that spanking could be misinterpreted as child abuse.    maybe, if he told people he was gettin’ abused by his parentals, he could then do whatever the fuck he wanted without gettin’ belt marks on his ass.    to say this was the start of a slippery slope that has ended with kids killing kids, kids getting pregnant, and kids simply running amuck is an understatement.

as a parent myself, it kills me to spank my son’s hand or his butt when he’s doin’ things that he’s not supposed to do.   and altho i believe Farrah’s mom did a LIL TOO much, i truly believe Farrah needed SOME kind of discipline. do you see the way she talks to her mom?   no kinda respect whatsoever.

as a child, i understand all too well…   but i also understand that the prospect of getting hit with a belt, a slipper, or a hanger scared me shitless and kept me outta trouble.   it made me come home at curfew, do the dishes and my homework, and never ever ever talk back to my parents. ever.

regarldess of your position on child spanking, it works. timeouts, and grounding and alla that shit works too.   but i put $100 that Farrah’s parents never spanked her as a kid…. and they wonder why she’s the way she is. psh.

The Gentleman, The Philosopher, The Pervert, and The Rebel

Raaachem — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 16:37:46 +0000

Otherwise known as GPPR, the fam at Hellz has done it yet again.. Summer 2010, I’M READY!

Hellz always surprise me with all the projects going on. For awhile now, we’ve been getting numerous amounts of requests for a separate tangent of clothing targeting the male dominant demographic…it totally makes sense though. Hellz is not just a woman’s brand, but a lifestyle brand. Hellz caters to the art world, electronic world, and (I love this part) the mens world.

From the great minds that have brought you Hellz, comes GPPR

The Gentleman, the philosopher, the pervert, and the rebel. All embodiments of the manifesto for this line. It appeals to the young sophisticate, who opposes the idea of authority and caters to the artistic and design world…”blurring the lines between those pencil pushers and the know-it-alls.”

Ladies, you are now able to dress your men in GPPR…enjoy!

Stab Me in the Front.

Raaachem — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 16:31:50 +0000

The short story I wrote for December has finally come to an end. If yall didn’t get a chance to read it, here is part 1 in its entirety. You can find parts 2, 3, 4, and 5 on the Hellz Blog.

And today, January’s short story has been introduced! The Ex-files have been opened y’all. stay tuned!

——————

Stab Me in the Front – pt 1

[The ex-boyfriend]
I sit in my car, not knowing wether to laugh or cry or scream or go punch something. I’m hurt, I’m mad. I can’t believe this is happening to me.

Usually I’d call Nick and ask him to drink. But I dont think I can look at him in the face right now. Actually, I can’t believe I ever called him my best friend. Shoulda known his shady ass would do something like this to me. I call up my friend Pat instead. ”Aye lets drink.”

We round up the boys and hit up a bar at this hotel that my homies are stayin at. My homegirl is outside smokin a cigarette and I decide I need to get some air. As I sit with her, I am silent.. I feel like a shitty friend cuz I’m usually the goofy, funny one but tonight I have no energy and no intent of being “normal”. And then I hear the question that I’ve been avoiding all night.

“G, you ok? Whats going on?”

I take a deep breath and say outloud what I’ve been denying to myself.

“Me and Marie broke up.”

“WHAAAAAT??? WHHHYYYYY?” she asks.

“Because she’s in love with Nick. And he’s in love with her.”

[the ex-girlfriend]
“Marie. Call me, I need to talk to you. Please, just pick up. I love you.”

I stare at my keypad and wonder if I should call him back. I listen to the voicemail again. My stomach flips. You would think after 9 years I would be used to a man telling me he loves me, right? But this time its different cuz its not the same man, I guess. and I love him too, but I just cannot bring myself to dial his number.

I am so confused right now. I just told my boyfriend I was in love with his best friend. I feel like such an asshole because I just broke G’s heart. And it breaks MY heart to see him like this. The last few months of trying to figure out what these feelings mean and here I stand. In love with Nick. And G. At the same time.

[The ex-best friend]
Fuck. Fuck. Ffffuuuuccckkkkk.

Marie’s not answering my call. Maybe she didn’t tell him. But maybe it’s a good thing cuz it might not be a great idea afterall. G is my best friend. and Marie is HIS GIRL. HIS girl. Not mine.

But all that changes tonight. Tonight, it all comes out. Tonight, she tells him what she’s been telling me… Tonight, she tells him that she loves me. Tonight, she’s no longer his girl. And if she would just pick up the damn phone, she could maybe be mine.

Just maybe.