growing pains

“we know we’re near the end.. the best is ready to begin.”

that was my high school senior quote. little did i know how true that could be. endings are always bittersweet, because there is always something new following it. its the 26th of january, and only now do i find the time to reflect on the last year, on my circumstances and my character, and put it down on paper..

2008 was the most trying year of my life, emotionally. i gave birth to twins, buried one, and tried to hold myself together as the other fought his way through the NICU. i took 6 months off of work as the economy worsened, watched my credit go to shit, cut back on shopping while trying to maintain my standard of living. i went out, and on vacations to try and keep my “chi” in check, but there were nights when i didnt think i could stand to wake up in the morning. i fell out with my best friend, and even though i dont regret the outcome, it always hurts when you lose someone you cared for in any way, shape, or form.

one of Adonis’ ninongs told me, that he never really liked me till i got pregnant. (gee thanks, ariel) and that motherhood changed me. i think tee had the best summation of my character when she said “Rachel? she’s not friendly but she’s a good friend.” my best friend cat said that i am the meanest and yet most caring person she’s ever known. (how thats possible i’m not sure) but i think this year, i became the epitome of opposite juxtaposition. this year i let it all go, i let it all hang out, and i let it all change me.

my husband and i celebrated our one year marriage anniversary last year… and i really have no words to explain how i feel about him. he drives me absolutely INSANE, but i wouldnt want to be sane with anybody else. he has been the steady hand to my shaken soul, has cried with me, for me, about me and still choses to spend every night asleep next to me. if that aint love, i dont know what is.

through it all, i’ve gained perspective. i know WHERE i’ve been and where i’m going. i know WHAT i’m willing to fight for. i know WHO i will ride or die for. i know WHEN to close my eyes and jump, and HOW to let God take care of the rest.

good to great in 2008. see me shine in 2009.
boss bizness.. here we go.

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2 comments

  1. BE.BELLA · January 27, 2009

    this is a very inspirational entry!
    love you!
    time to shine in 2009!

  2. kris · January 29, 2009

    you’re a strong mama! 2009 is all yours babe!

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