sometimes the best thing to say at the moment is something you’ve already said.
back on the grind after a hiatus from my 9-5, and i realize that i dont wanna be here. and i’m not just talking about physically..let-me-just-call-in-and-play-hookie-dont wanna be here.. BUT I DONT WANNA BE HERE.. as in, if i have to hustle like this for the rest of my life i’d rather shoot myself in the foot.
i am a wife, a mother, a sister, a best friend…and i embrace those titles whole-heartedly. i, on the other hand, am NOT a “patient services specialist” or whatever the fuck the MAN wants to call me. i have a ferver for life and exploration, and constantly want to try new, fun things. but this job.. this work.. this grind… is draining the passion outta me.
passion — whatta word. according to the dictionary it means “a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept.” according to me it means rushing home everyday after work so i can give my son smelly kisses. it means pulling my man outside so he can kiss me in the rain even if its 40 degrees outside. it means dragging my ass outta bed even when i dont really want to so i can enjoy the sunshine in SF… it means going to the gun range because they said so. it means picking up the phone and calling that friend who i havent talked to in awhile to catch up and actually BE A FRIEND. it means booking that flight to new york for the simple fact that its on sale today.
do you ever feel like the sun is shining for you? because it does. its says ‘hey bitch! get ur ass up and DO SHIT!” go play tourista and rediscover your love for the city. go pick up your cousin and eat at your favorite restaurant as you talk shit about “that girl”.. go read a book at rockaway beach while u make fun of that male jogger wearing those pink hotpants. go bake a cake or something and give it to ur mom who u havent visited in a week. much more satisfying than pretending to work in an office.
i yearn for days where i have the option to do any and all of these things.. and i currently loathe my days full of bullshit work. i daydream all day about something DIFFERENT. anything else. i am no longer going to accept evenings and weekends as MY time. i am on a MISSION to revive my passion for my DAYS and restore my ardor for life… walk with me till the end of the rainbow..
stay tuned for more ‘dear diary’ shit if i ever feel like it. urgh. back to the hell! (who wants to kidnap me and take me to the beach?)*on a side note Tat, Miche, and I are making panties. seriously. check us out here. buy a panty. network. whatever. everyday.SXE. because SXE is standing in the rain as you push me up against the hood of your car, tearin up my shirt and kissing me with the intent to never stop. and we believe u should feel like that everyday.* … .
one of these days ill be able to turn this part time gig into my full time gig… and then i’ll be calling ur ass to catch the fuck up and be a friend.