last week a good friend salvaged a shitty week by introducing me to my new mistress, lindt excellence white coconut chocolate. (i’m always craving chocolate and white choc is my fave. my friends know me so well.)
chocolate makes everything better. when it touched my lips i swear i had a mini orgasm. just a little bit. i promise it tastes like… sex… but BETTER. i instantly had a smile on my face and a good rest of the week…
and here, my friends, are my top reasons why chocolate is better than sex.
– you can have as much chocolate as you can handle until you’re satisfied. good luck finding a man that can do the same.
– you do not need to pee afterwards. or shower.
– you can have it any time of the day, with anyone, anywhere you please. even in church.
– you can enjoy it as loud as you want to.
– chocolate is always there when you need it and never disappoints. EVER.
– when you’re over it, you can stop eating it. you dont have to finish the whole thing, and you can save the rest for later. i guarantee you that no man will allow you to jump off mid-thrust.
– you are allowed to accept chocolate from any man. not just your own.
and finally…. (drumroll please)
– there is good chocolate. there is great chocolate. there is NO SUCH THING as bad chocolate. however, there is such thing as bad sex.
and there you have it. now please give me a moment alone with the last piece of my white coconut. *sigh*