“if u dont love me, somebody else will.  so dont u ever get too comfortable” – lil wayne
the honeymoon stage is always WONDERFUL. butterflies at the sight of his name on ur phone, that giddy-i’m-a-little-girl feeling everytime he says ur name, and the euphoric lets-get-lifted “love” fills the air.  he goes out of his way to do any and everything to be with u and the little things are always taken into account. “like a shot of hennessey, honey he chasin u.”  – rae rosero
andd thennnn that shit gets old. and all of a sudden everything he does is fucking annoying the shit outta u and u can’t STAND another second and ur plotting how to smother him with ur pillow when he’s sleeping. the muthafucka actin like ur pussy got an expiration date and shit and lets himself go and barely has the time to text you good morning let alone take ur ass out.   
so.. what the fuck happened?  the chase is over and he is no longer paying u any mind.   and then we get all upset but say we arent but we really are and we start resenting the guy cuz his ass SHOULD JUST KNOW, right? 
i been with my husband for 7 years and i’d like to believe that we still keep shit interesting so lemme just share some tips on how to keep each other interested after the honeymoon phase has gone to shit. 
for the ladies:
1. COMMUNICATE – and i dont mean anything along the lines of nagging, or bitching cuz TRUST that shit goes in one ear and out the other.  i actually mean communicating.  when ur upset, let him know.  when something bothers u… speak on it.   the only way to fix things is to keep the line of commication open or else u’ll find urself blowing up over the stupidest shit and then ur the one who looks like the crazy bitch. 
2. HE AIN’T EDWARD CULLEN.  and this is such blasphemy coming from the biggest twihard on the planet but ur dude aint a knight in shining armor.  he has not come into ur life to fix everything that is broken with u.   he aint a basketball player, or a prince, or a rapper.  he’s just an ordinary dude who you  love so get over the illusion of what u want him to be and accept him for who he is.   realize what’s real and what he actually has to offer u cuz it should suit u just fine. 
3. KNOW YOURSELF.  if u dont know urself.. if u aint right within u, then please dont expect a man to even try and know u.   i get it.  we women.  we complicated as fuck.   but how are we ever gonna try and give any of ourselves to someone if we cant get it right in our own head.   get ur mind right and then share it.  cuz it dont work the other way around.  as soon as we get to the point of RESPECT for ourselves, then we can begin to respect someone else as a whole. and only then, is  respect is reciprocated fully.
4.  LEARN HOW TO BE FLEXIBLE.   there aint nobody exactly like u.  (how boring would that be dating urself anyways?)  so instead of picking and critisizing the differences between u and him, learn to love them and accept them and learn from them.   i promise you, you will be a much better person if u allow urself to be open instead of wishing he were different.   be his rock and he’ll be the same for you. 
5.  STOP ASSUMING.  and this goes hand in hand with number 1.   i know as women we swear like we know everything and we’d bet our first born child that we know what our men is thinking.   but real talk, we dont.   u have to understand the psyche of a man and realize that they do not have the ability to mind read (like my man Edward Cullen).  so stop assuming he knows that ur upset and that he knows why cuz i promise he dont.  dont assume he’ll do something cuz ur last bf did cuz they two different people.    assumptions lead to miscommunication and then disappointment so if u dont have any ointment for that butthurt, stop assuming shit.  if u dont know, ASK.  if ur unsure if he gets it, SPEAK.  lead by example, and he’ll follow. 
6. LET HIM BE UR BF(F).   if u ever wana get to that place with him u gotta let him be there for u.    if u cant talk to him about ur problems, then why the fuck u guys together?  stop yappin ur bizness to ur girlfriends and take ur shit strait to the source.   i mean, thats what girlfriends are for, but i promise u that we get tired of hearing about how much of an asshole he is, and then watch as u sit there and do nothing about it.  man the fuck up and let him be ur man.  $10 says he dont even know u mad.  (and again, see #1)
for the fellas, i only got two words of advice for you:
1.  PAY ATTENTION.  i cannot stress this enough that its the little things that fucking matter.  u complain that we always naggin and bitchin but thats only cuz u dont hear shit until the 10th time we’ve said it!   put the ps3 controller down, turn the porn off,  pause the fucking Raider game (thats what they made dvr for anyways), and just pay attention.   u aint foolin nobody tellin me u can multitask.   that tv got u in tunnel vision and u dont even notice we’re in ur favorite lace bra and panty set.  and i KNOW that video game dont give u a raging boner like ur lady does so give her some respect.   if u hear her say she cravin chocolate, bring her favorite kind and ur pogi points will soar thru the roof!   trustttt!  this aint game its just common sense!   (i could write a whole fucking book about this shit but ima cut it short cuz im sure u get the picture)
2. SPEAK ON IT.  please give us more feedback than “yeah”, “uh huh” and “thats cool”.   let us know that we lookin extra fly today.   tell me that uve noticed my waist getting thinner.   let me know that you heard me so i dont have to repeat myself.   this goes back to item #1 for the ladies…  communication is KEY.   and even if u aint the kinda guy thats GOOD at getting ur point accross, all u gotta do is try.  u do not have a mute button so please make use of ur vocal chords and let us know!  
and ta-muthafuckin-da.  “u dont have to be perfect love, as long as ur willing to learn” – estelle.  its all a learning process…  but as long as u put in some effort, it will be noticed and reciprocated…  and then ur happy asses can be all caked and shit and live happily ever after.  the end. 


  1. Ness · May 19, 2009

    Love this blog! 🙂

  2. LC · May 20, 2009

    OK so once again you have spit out some Golden words of advice. Here I am hanging onto your words for dear life. If you only knew. I really really really really think you should start an advice column. I barely even know you (except through your blog) and I think you wise beyond your years. Simply amazing (Kanye voice). I have tons of questions. Anyways I love your blog. You are awsome. Thank you for another wonderful entry. The end.

    • The new mayor of forks · May 20, 2009

      LC- thank u my dear! And by all means throw ur questions my way. I’m always needing inspiration for my blogs and I be gettin writers block like a muhhhhhh

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