i’m a sagittatrius. which means i have an innate desire to make the people around me happy. i tend to commit to too many things and i feel bad when i have to say no. if it is within my power to make you happy, then so be it. i have a lot, a lot, a lot of friends (they dont call the hubby “The Mayor” for nothing) and its draining trying to keep up with everyone’s circles.
sometimes though, i feel like i lost myself in other people. trying to please my parents, my friends, my husband, my son, my boss, my doctor.. i feel like.. a yes man. always saying yes to those that matter the most to me even when it means saying no to what i really wanted.
but even though i know this about myself, i see this within me, the desire to people please still burns bright. according to my astrology book, one of the dislikes of a sag is public disapproval. (can i get an amen from my sag buddies out there?) and even though being born at the end of the year means i’m fun, optimistic, outgoing, and damn sexy (i swear, my book says sag’s are incredibly good looking) i felt as though i was a nomad. i felt as if i did not have a permanent place in life, a niche that i can call my own.
for the longest i thought that maybe saying “yes” would lead me to really finding myself and this soul searching that i’ve been trying to do would have a purpose. cuz saying yes opens doors and opens opportunities, right? you do different things with different people… you expand your horizons and you really get to know what you like and what u dont like.. who is on the same wavelength as you are and who is just bringing u down… friends get filtered and all of a sudden your bff is like cancer to ur soul. and one day you realize that by saying “yes” you have been changed.
u know what tho, i was right. saying “yes” when Kris suggested i start blogging made me realize how much i like to write. saying “yes” to getting my passport introduced me to my love of travel and exploration. saying “yes” to my husband and son filled the need for family. saying “yes” when Lawn asked me to blog for Hellz helped me realize that i relate to people on a deeper level than i ever imagined. and i guess that being a yes man helped me figure out what being ME was all about.
so i guess this whole “yes man” dilemma isnt such a bad thing. cuz saying “yes” makes the people i love happy. and nothing makes me happier than seeing them smile. so in the end, as long as i dont compromise my own happiness while trying to pacify yours, then its all good in the hood. cuz i think i found my niche. and it feels like home.