i used to be the crazy girlfriend. the one who looked thru her boyfriend’s phone and deleted every number attached to a female name. the one who had the password to his pager (yeah, i said pager) and sat there and listened to every *6877*1773*170111* to figure out who was pagin him and who he was talkin to. the one who gave every girl “friend” the stink eye and made sure i was better looking. the one who called his friends to make sure he was out with them like he said he was. the one who cried over everything just to get attention. the one who stalked his ex-girlfriend just because she was his ex. the one who turned into the crazy ex-girlfriend. who got broken up with cuz i was “crazy”. who didnt understand wtf crazy meant.
until i dated the crazy boyfriend. the one who did everything the crazy girlfriend did and more. the one who drove me absolutely insane. the one who gave me a taste of my own gadamn medicine. the one who made me value my privacy. the one who changed the way i love.
and after all the high school bullshit that i went thru, i thought i’d seen the last of the crazy. cuz everyone outgrows it. cuz its soooo stupid. cuz everyone’s had a crazy in their life. cuz crazy is not a good look.
but now, even at 26, i look around me and see my grown ass folks being crazy and dating crazy.
trust and privacy is a funny thing. he can swear uup and down he trusts you, and yet start an argument with you as soon as you question why he wants to know the password to your facebook. but its not that u dont wanna give it to him, its just that u dont understand WHY he needs it? and then come the questions. “who u talkin to?” “what u hiding anyways?” OOOMMMFFGGG. its not even close to being about that, it was just about keeping your private things private.
i think people mistake an invitation into bed as an open door to all ur personal matters. but if that were the case, wouldnt that negate the whole idea of “being in a relationship”? cuz you choose what to share and how to share it. and the person you’re with should respect you and your choice on when and with whom you share these things. the person you’re with shouldnt feel obligated to make an excel spreadsheet for you with her social security number, passwords to twitter/fb, and pictures of her exes should she?
and then there’s the whole thing about equating “respect my privacy” with “what u hiding from me?” that shit is NOT THE SAME. and i dont know how to get it thru her thick ass head that just because her dude won’t give her access to his email, doesnt mean he’s having email sex with his ex! and because she’s insecure, she’ll insist on snooping thru everything else to make sure he’s not doin what she’s scared he’s doin. gah.
snoopers need validation one way or another. either that hes wrong and can breathe a sign of relief that she still in love with him, or that she’s right and she KNEW IT when he lied and said that other girl was “just a friend.”
either way, trust dont live here. and if trust dont live here, love dont either.
think about it.