i used to be the crazy girlfriend.   the one who looked thru her boyfriend’s phone and deleted every number attached to a female name.  the one who had the password to his pager (yeah, i said pager) and sat there and listened to every *6877*1773*170111* to figure out who was pagin him and who he was talkin to.   the one who gave every girl “friend” the stink eye and made sure i was better looking.   the one who called his friends to make sure he was out with them like he said he was.   the one who cried over everything just to get attention.   the one who stalked his ex-girlfriend just because she was his ex. the one who turned into the crazy ex-girlfriend.  who got broken up with cuz i was “crazy”.  who didnt understand wtf crazy meant.

until i dated the crazy boyfriend.   the one who did everything the crazy girlfriend did and more.  the one who drove me absolutely insane.  the one who gave me a taste of my own gadamn medicine. the one who made me value my privacy.  the one who changed the way i love.

and after all the high school bullshit that i went thru, i thought i’d seen the last of the crazy.   cuz everyone outgrows it.  cuz its soooo stupid.   cuz everyone’s had a crazy in their life.   cuz crazy is not a good look.

but now, even at 26, i look around me and see my grown ass folks being crazy and dating crazy.

trust and privacy is a funny thing.   he can swear uup and down he trusts you, and yet start an argument with you as soon as you question why he wants to know the password to your facebook.   but its not that u dont wanna give it to him, its just that u dont understand WHY he needs it?   and then come the questions. “who u talkin to?” “what u hiding anyways?”   OOOMMMFFGGG.   its not even close to being about that, it was just about keeping your private things private.

i think people mistake an invitation into bed as an open door to all ur personal matters.    but if that were the case, wouldnt that negate the whole idea of  “being in a relationship”?   cuz you choose what to share and how to share it.   and the person you’re with should respect you and your choice on when and with whom you share these things.    the person you’re with shouldnt feel obligated to make an excel spreadsheet for you with her social security number, passwords to twitter/fb, and pictures of her exes should she?

and then there’s the whole thing about equating “respect my privacy” with “what u hiding from me?”   that shit is NOT THE SAME.  and i dont know how to get it thru her thick ass head that just because her dude won’t give her access to his email, doesnt mean he’s having email sex with his ex!   and because she’s insecure, she’ll insist on snooping thru everything else to make sure he’s not doin what she’s scared he’s doin.   gah.

snoopers need validation one way or another.  either that hes wrong and can breathe a sign of relief that she still in love with him, or that she’s right and she KNEW IT when he lied and said that other girl was “just a friend.”

either way, trust dont live here.   and if trust dont live here, love dont either.

think about it.


  1. mouf.piece · July 15, 2009

    innocent ’till proven guilty gdammit! don’t forget too that it’s at the very least understandable to behave this way if ur partner has cheated on u and u took them back. but for them to act this way off bat, negra to the left with ur ass. urghhhhh. or to the right for that matter. anywhere but my inbox.

  2. Miss.Stefanie · July 15, 2009

    I used to be a snooper, now Im just like hes gonna do what hes gonna do.

  3. madkap · July 15, 2009

    Strong end. “trust dont live here. and if trust dont live here, neither does love.”

    great post. having your own life is essential

  4. LC · July 15, 2009

    Bahahaha. I could never see you as that crazy chick forreal. Personally I’m lokey with mine. lol. Like I front everything is ok, but really I’m thinkin who is he talkin to but trying to seem like it. Ugh. But shoot not being snoopy is hard. TRUST is key word here. And that ish is so hard to do for anyone, but mostly Cuz guys r dogs. and like Wayne said he wish he could f*** every girl in the world. He was just bold enuff to say it. SMH.

  5. Mark.t · July 16, 2009

    This is the truth. I’m sure everyone has been through this in one form or another. “THAT SHIT IS NOT THE SAME” either you have trust or you don’t. If the other person is gonna cheat they’ll find a way to cheat.. Question you have to ask yourself is “do I need/want to be with someone like that?” sad thing is that alot of people do decide to be with that kind of person and it causes them to be snoopy. You’re 100% right if trust don’t live here love don’t either.

  6. kat · July 20, 2009

    so funny, i just had a talk with my man about this last night. one day i was tidying up his room and i stumbled upon a scrapbook his ex-gf made for him. naturally, i was curious so i flipped through it. i told him i found it and that i was glad he kept it cuz she clearly put a lot of hard work in it… he said that all girls snoop which begged the question “if you had an opportunity to go through my shit, would you?” i was taken aback by his response: “of course i would want to. who wouldn’t want to know more, but the reason i wouldn’t is because it would make me want to ask a million questions and i would just rather not deal with it all.” lol.

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