[posted on hellz 07.28.09]

as of late i’ve been grandma status.  declining alcohol cuz my friends wanna drink henny again and me and henny had a bad breakup.    hennessey not only makes me wanna hurl up yesterday’s dinner, but it makes me kinda angry?   so my drink of choice has been chilled patron, or vodka.    clear drinks equal a happy drunk for me.    and i’d much rather be happy than angry dontcha think….   i just find it interesting how alcohol turns me into different people.  lol.

• the belligerent drunk – ohhh man.   the last time i saw this girl was after 12 shots of patron,  2 jaeger bombs, and a silver back.  falling all overherself, incoherent, talking in tongues, hair in her face, sweaty HOT MESS.  
• the emo drunk – note to self, dont ever have wine alone with your favorite cousin after a really really really bad day.    cuz the emo drunk will cry your ear off.   or ell count all the ways i love you.   lol.
• the happy drunk – blame it on the goose, gotcha feelin loose.  blame it on the ‘tron, got u in the zone.  blame it on the a.a.a.a.alcohol. !!!!     clear drinks do the deed.   and just gimme a shot, i dont do bitch drinks unless im frontin.  lol.
• the angry drunk – hennessey + a bitch in my face lookin at me sideways and you get this girl.   the girl who thinks i can take on that girl who 3 times my size.  the girl who dont give a fuck and will smack the bouncer.   the girl who is angry at the world and is takin it out on you.    dont ever bring this girl out.  PLEASE.
• the annoying drunk – the one who asks u every 10 minutes if i look ok.  or makes sure we’re still friends… or talks toooooo much.   yeah this girl comes out almost everytime.  haha.
• the think i can dance hella good drunk — yeah this girl is best friends with the “happy drunk”.   she dances on stages like she’s backin up Janet Jackson and SWEARS she taught Michael all his moves.  this girl never. stops. dancing.   lol.
• the “i think can drink more” drunk – cuz WHY does alcohol take 30 minutes to go thru ur system?    one minute u think ur cool and 10 minutes later u praying that there’s no line to the bathroom so u can suka in the sink.   and those creeper drinks?   WHY WHY WHY MUST YOU TRICK ME, SO?  i am not a fan.  not at all.

i could be any one of these girls on any drunken night out.   and although we like her, and we like her too…   THAT girl right there gotta slow her roll.   but please hug her cuz she look like she bout to cry.