true story.

the diary of a mad woman, and an asshole. 

(the following is based on a true-story. all names and places have been changed to protect the innocent)

Dear Diary,
I’m moving!   this long-distance, talking on the phone, only seeing him when i fly there is getting old..  i decided i wanna be closer to him so i’m moving!  its only an hour flight away so it shouldnt be too bad.    plus, maybe me being closer will make him want to be exclusive.  that other bitch he’s dating aint got shit on me anyway, she’s a fat horrendous COW! *sigh* its gonna be perfect, i found an appartment 5 minutes from his place.  he doesnt know yet, i want to surprise him the next time i visit.   i know its a big decision but i love him. he’s gonna be so happy.  we’re gonna be so happy.

Journal Entry # 27
my game must be TIGHT cuz i swear the jumpoff chick is on my dick.   the other night, i come home from girlfriend #2’s house and she at my door!  she didnt tell me she was coming and so im hella surprised. 1. because she always fly her own ass down here and 2. cuz i smell like sex and hella tryna figure out how to not have her notice. 

anyway, she says she got a gift for me (like she always do, cuz i got it like that) and its a key.  to her new apartment.  10 blocks from mine.   she fuckin CRAZY, yo.  i kind of expect her to show up at my door tonight with an ice pick or something.   but as long as she pays for dinner then i aint stressin.  HA.

Dear Diary,
fat horrendous COW is out of the picture.  i knew it wouldnt work out cuz she’s fat, ugly and broke.   now he has more time to be with me.  can’t complain bout that!    he lost his job tho so i offered for him to move in with me till he gets back on his feet.   im an independant women, i dont need a man to help me pay my bills!    plus, im happy to take care of him now cuz i know he’s gonna take care of us later.

Journal Entry #36
yo, being broke suuuuccckksss.    but Jumpoff pays for everything now so its coo.   dinner, drinks, she takes me shopping and i stay at her place for free.  how many other dudes can say they got a sugar mama?  had to let go of gf#2 cuz how am i sposed to take her to the house when i got the jumpoff watchin me like a hawk?   its coo, her cousin got her own place so she just been replaced.   damn im fuckin PIMPIN!  i should teach a class on freakonomics or something.  *pop my fuckin colllar*

Dear Diary,
we’re going to hawaii!   the tickets were kind of expensive but whatever, its gonna be so worth it.  im gonna meet his family!   gosh this is such a big step for us, this means he must be serious about me.   things are going just as planned. i need to start losing weight.

Journal Entry # 45
what the hell?  i need a break from all this suffocation!   i told jumpoff i was going back home to hawaii for  a family reunion and the crazy bitch bought herself a ticket!  i mean, she bought mine too, but she didnt have to my moms was gonna do that.  that means i gotta fuckin babysit on vacation?   FML i hope she doesnt wanna come to the party and meet my fam and shit.  i mean, she coo but we aint even like THAT.   fuck, what am i gonna do? 

Dear Diary,
i am devastated. i cannot eat. i cannot sleep.  i cannot even BREATHE.  he’s moving back home.  i JUST moved here.  what am i gonna do?   i mean i guess i could move there too but where am i gonna stay?  with his mom?  i offered to let him stay here as long as he likes, rent free but he declined.  i dont know where we stand. i love him, i know he loves me.  i just dont see us working out unless we’re in the same city.   Maybe i can get a transfer?

Journal Entry #58
this chick just will NOT QUIT.  tried breaking up with her, but i just can’t.  she takes care of me, goes out of her way for me, she hella ride or die for me.  can’t break her heart so im just moving back home to my moms.   met some hot ass girl @ oceans last time i was home and i think im lightweight in love.. or lust.. either way she TIGHT. (aint gonna tell her that of course).  anyways the sugar mama just can’t take a hint tho, cuz she offered to move her ass out there too.   i mean REALLY?  i MUST give some good dick cuz she chasin it all over the country.  its just too much! im crossin my fingers her transfer wont go thru.   anddd hopefully i get to keep the TV when i move back home too. 


Dear Dumbass,
I MEAN FORREAL?!   he never tells you he loves you, uses u, dont invite u anywhere and u’s in love?   just cuz he’s dickin u down doesnt mean he loves you.  he’s just not that into you.  let him miss the scent of ur panties once in a while.

lesson of the day – STOP CHASIN DICK.  

Dear Douchebag,
can u just KEEP IT REAL?!   she maybe delusional about you but u lettin her think there’s more to ur relationship then there really is.    u may think ur god’s gift, but u just an asshole interested in free pussy. u aint pimpin hoes, u pimpin yourself out to the highest bidder.   man up and handle ur own.  

the end.  thank you, come again. 


  1. hayati · September 14, 2009

    please tell me u do not really know these people. i’m just gonna keep my comments to myself in case u do and they’re reading lol.

    • Raaachem · September 14, 2009

      um. friend of a friend. but true story.. and i doubt they’re reading so GO RIGHT AHEAD. hahaha.

  2. lifeonmyside · September 14, 2009

    dude – that is horrendous. seriously, horrendous. i just about barfed in my mouth x783090232 times.

  3. rio · September 15, 2009

    ahahahah,, you kill me. This shit is ridiculous, poor blind girl, and poor douchebag dude. Females gotta realize, actions may speak louder than words, but the male hasta verbalize his shit/p.o.v. SOMETIMES. Otherwise females get confused….

    • Raaachem · September 15, 2009

      ohhkay! thank you, rio! letting us think what we wanna think is the same as lying to us! THE SAME. but this girl is just delusional. i swearrrrrrrr… someone help her. SOMEONE.

  4. LC · September 15, 2009

    daaaaaaaaaaanngg. she is a dumb fee!!! he playin her like boo boo the foo poor girl. raach did u try talkin to her???…lettin her know wats up. but honestly wen chicks in love like tht she wont listen to nothin. God, please don’t ever let me get this gaga/dumb over a guy. if so…put me out of my misery. Amen.

  5. gailey · September 16, 2009

    someone please save her!

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