on being a bitch.

the word “bitch” no longer phazes me.  i say it about myself all the time.  I AM A BITCH.   and unfriendly to boot.  how i managed to make any friends is beyond my comprehension.

just in the last day or so i’ve heard the following :

(from a good friend on our high school interaction) “i can’t believe you came to my house tho.  you were a bitch!  i was scared of you”

(from my nbf while watching GLEE) “why are girls named rachel bitches?  even in fiction!”

(from my bff while chatting on fb) “why my best friends gotta be bitches?  you are the meanest, yet nicest person i’ve ever known” 

(from my girlfriend before she moved) “Rachel? she’s not very friendly but she is a good friend.”

and then i heard the following:  

(from a friend while aiming at work) ” i dont think you’re a bitch at all.   i think you just dont like being taken advantage of”

(from my son’s godfather) “i used to never like you. you used to be such a bitch.  but you’ve changed a lot and now you’re one of my favorites”

(from someone i’ve only known for a little bit) “you’ve totally proven me wrong about you.  you’re not a bitch at all. i mean you are, but not the way i thought u were.” 

(from my bff) “you just can’t be mean to the people you care about.  you care too much. “

well aint that but a bitch.?! 

am i losing my bitchiness?  losing my edge?   i think its quite possible, but i can honestly say that i have never been happier or more comfortable to meet new people or to reconnect with old ones.  [espeically when i thought she was a bitch and she thought i was a bitch but turns out we’re SOOO MEANT TO BE FRIENDS *ahem, Jess*]

but real talk, it really surprised me.  i’ve accepted my “bitch” title for sooo long and to hear people tell me that i’m not, is kind of shocking.  kind of nice.  so maybe i have changed, and maybe i am a little nicer and thats ok too cuz i can’t tell you how GRAND life has been since i started smiling at people….

but i can tell you that i’m still the girl who will pull her friend by the hand and say “let me help you with your outfit” as i get her out of that GROSS top.  i’m still the girl who will take a pic of the really big girl wearing a really small dress in vegas and post it on facebook.   yeah, thats me.  and yeah, yeah, i know.  i’m a bitch.  =)

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4 comments

  1. Gem · September 25, 2009

    We all got inner “bitch” in us. People gotta know they can’t walk all over me…i always get that too “i hella thought you were a bitch. you just had that look”. whatever the hell that means…lol

  2. tina · September 25, 2009

    i am shocked when people tell me i’m not a bitch either. luv ya.

    and you are an awesome friend.

  3. hayati · September 28, 2009

    whatever BITCH lol

  4. gailey · September 28, 2009

    LOVE YOU BITCH!!!

    ahem… when i move to SF … you better put me in check when my outfit isn’t! haha

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