all i want.

As a female, I have grown to know two things.

1) i’ll be satisfied when I have (insert coveted object/feeling/ here) and

2) #1 is a gadamnnnnn lie.

I am quite the strong willed person. Usually when I set my sights on something/one/place I spend my energy on achieving it. I work overtime to make the extra money, I pass on eating out so much, I sacrifice.  and i always tell myself, “this is the last thing I’m ever gonna want”.  “as soon as i get this, i’ll be done.”  i’ll stop wanting shit, i’ll stop shopping, i’ll stop being so selfish, i’ll stop complaining about an old board, or my small chest, or whatever the hell it is thats taken over my brain.

and then… I get it/them/there. and i’m ecstatic for a while , poppin my own collar, proud of myself for achieving what i set out to do.  and then i blink.  and the shoes that i convinced myself were worth the $300 price tag, have suddenly go out of style.   Or, the new bindings on my snowboard have just broke.  or, this jacket hasnt kept me as warm as i thought it would have.   or, GOD that vacation was just too short, or i’m just not happy with my haircut.   whatever the reason, the outcome is always the same…   i’m over it.  and i suddenly have a new object of obsession. 

i suppose everyone goes thru this, which is why the honeymoon stage doesnt last as long as we want them to, and that little plastic cover on ur new electronic never stays on that long, and it feels like the designers are launching new lines every month and your wallet cannot keep up.  

we are always wanting more.  we are never satisfied.

but its kind of a beautiful thing about us and our human nature.   its what keeps us uncomplacent (is that a word?), and like hayati always says, there’s nothing wrong with wanting more for ourselves.  but in a world of credit card debt, hypebeasts and that new-new good-good,  when is enough, enough?

thats the thing.  it never is.

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2 comments

  1. Sarah · November 17, 2009

    I’ve found that when I stop shopping, I stop wanting stuff. And I get a longer lasting high from watching my bank account grow and feel better about my self for resisting shopping than I do when I buy stuff.

    • Raaachem · November 17, 2009

      sarah, ur right! i gave up shopping for lent one year and i completely lost the urge to have the “latest and greatest”. and then, idk its like it CAME BACK WITH A VENGEANCE! lol. HELP. ME.

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