curse of the ex.

i was asked this morning to think about the last time i really had my heart broken by a man.   and fortunately enough for me, it took a lot of thinking cuz its been a while.  but once i started retracing my relationships,  i noticed an unsettling trend. 

Cuz my ex cheated on me with his ex.   And so did my ex before him, aaaaaand my ex before him.   I had been cursed with the Ex-factor. 

i used to be the BIGGEST ex-girlfriend hater.   the ex-girlfriend, whoever she was.. no matter how much prettier (she wasn’t), or smarter (just try), or better (psh! never!) she was than me…   i drank my haterade with pride.  

Why?   for the simple fact that she was the ex-girlfriend.  thats really all  i needed to know. 

so I would go and snoop thru his phone and check if her number was there, and  when Friendster / Myspace came into my life, it became so much easier to be the crazed girlfriend stalker.    my boyfriend always asked me, “why girls always hate each other?”  coming from an all girls school, i never needed a valid reason to hate a girl, but I didnt wanna sound stupid so I just smiled and shrugged. 

thinking back now, i think my fear was that he never really got over his ex. which would then lead to him leaving me or cheating on me like my former flames did.  i had begun to let my ex boyfriend’s actions dictate my thoughts on what my current boyfriend might do. 

do i sound crazy yet?  i’m sure i do, but tell me u didnt ever think the same?  

the ironic thing is that in my cases, the ex-girlfriend always won him back.  i had played the fool too many times and these experience only further validated my crazy.    all my crazy thoughts and assumptions about what could happen  had come to fruition and just as fast as i had replaced her in his bed, she returned the favor.   fml.   it was a vicious, vicious cyle. 

the one thing that made me REALLY get over it, was  the fact that i had already befriended my husband’s exes.  when we got together, his exes weren’t just random strange girls.  they were girls from my high school,  my friend’s cousins, shit even girls i hang out with.   they were girls with names, and faces, and personalities  and I was not gonna de-friend these amazing women because of petty shit like 3 dates in the 11th grade.   cuz above all else, THAT sounded crazy.   so what did i do?  in a nutshell,  i sucked it up and got over it. 

u see, i had to finally get over his ex to fully understand that he already had.  

they’re not called “exes” for nothing, right?


  1. krisYEE · November 20, 2009

    soooooo did you hate me? or did i not count cause technically he wasn’t my ex yet. hahhaha ❤ you!

    • Raaachem · November 23, 2009

      for the record, i never hated you. lol. love you too. hahaha.

  2. Rocky · November 22, 2009

    I’m doing that… WAS doing that. Now that I’ve seen this. I’m totally on a different level. Thanks, Girl.

    • Raaachem · November 23, 2009

      Rocky – =) you just made my day.

      • Rocky · November 24, 2009

        Na, Girl… Really! I put my friends onto you . We like you cause you’re REAL with it. We read your stuff and feel the saaammee way you do!! Only difference is you look at things differently than we do. You reflect and learn. So when we read your stuff, we learn! Write a book? Yes, I’ll read it. 🙂

  3. Steph · February 14, 2010

    Right on girl! I feel the same way. My boyfriend is a musician, so even though the relationships end, the exes still want to come see his band play. Not much I can do, but it can drive you nuts….

    • Raaachem · February 16, 2010

      yes girl! it’s all good tho… he still got u on his arm =)

  4. Emile Kniffen · March 17, 2010

    Fantastic blogpost, I favorited your site so I can visit again in the future, Cheers

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