next to the Mr. Me Too’s, and the Single White Females, i’d like to introduce a new member of the brat pack…. everybody meet — Can I Kick It? (yes, you can!)
they seem to be everywhere, and every group of friends has at least one. that one person who no one really wants to hang with, but tolerates because there’s really no valid reason to dislike the dude. there’s always that side busta that thinks he belongs but really doesnt. the guy that always seems to invite himself places where he wasn’t sposed to be. u know, the ones who never fail to call u and ask, “Can I kick it?”
don’t get me wrong… we don’t hate Can I Kick It. Actually, we consider him to be a little more than just an acquaintance, and will gladly accept the invitation to hang out should any of our other real friends be busy and we don’t wanna eat alone. and its not as if he’s not nice, or lightweight funny, or smells bad or anything. he just.. kind of… sucks. at life.
Can I Kick It seems to always keep himself out of the “real homie” zone due to his 1) utter annoyance 2) total inappropriateness and 3) being less cool than he thinks he is.
“Jobin! I’ll see you later or I’ll see you another time.” crickets. tumbleweed. crickets.
and although possibly inadvertantly, Can I Kick It always says shit to us like we’re thisclose, when its more like t h i s c l o s e. But maybe he thinks we are thatclose cuz we let him. Cuz we’re nice enough to let him kick it, when really, we just wanna duct tape his hands to his mouth and hide him in the closet.
urgh. we need to stop being so nice.
and even tho NO ONE laughs at his jokes, or offers him a ride to the club (like his cheap ass would buy a round of drinks anyway), or wants to eat out with him, or doesnt even wanna share a room with him on vacay cuz he’s only tolerable in small incriments… homie just DOESN’T GET IT.
maybe he’s delusional, maybe he’s just plain stupid, or maybe he really thinks we are his friends. either way, maybe we should stop entertaining it or stop complaining about it… just tell him he cant come, OR just shut up and take one for the team.
next time you see me with a pen in my right eye tho, you know which alternative i chose.