my palms are sweaty, my heart is racing, my mind is running a thousand miles a minute.   i pick up the pen and sign my life away, and for half a second, i have a mini orgasm.    i tell myself that i’ll eat ramen for the next week to justify my splurge on these goddamn shoes.   or the bag that cost almost half my rent.  or this dress that brings a tear to a grown man’s eye.  this jacket that i’d gladly give my right arm for.  this purchase that i now call mine.  i. die.

call it what you want it, im a fuckin’ shopaholic.

i have whats called an addictive personality.  i find something i like, have it aud nauseum for the next 7 months, then find something new and get over it. for example…  toyose’s kim chee fried rice.  it’s been a weekly staple in my diet for the last year.  I still havent found anything that has caught me as heavy which is fine by me.

most women like to shop.   my friends LOVE IT.  for a select few its an addiction.  its the itch in ur wallet when u just got paid and wonder what stores you can stop at on the 17 mile route home.   its the anticipation of typing in topshop.com to ur navigation bar and seeing what’s new and what’s affordable.  its the absolute ecstatic victory when you’ve been searching and searching and searching and searching for this one item that seems to be sold out everywhere and then…. there it is, staring at you, in exactly your size.   you can almost here it saying, “buy me.  wear me.  love me.”

ok maybe its just me.   but there’s something about retail therapy that does the deed, everytime.    i gave up shopping for lent one year and it was the hardest 40 days of my life (frankly i’d rather give up breathing.) but it has taught me to be selective in what i spend my money on, and to make sure i get that good good everytime.  do i need it, will it last me, and most importantly, is it WORTH IT?

i’ve cut back a lot and proudly call myself a recessionista.    i don’t mind swapping clothes w/ friends or borrowing shit, and it helps that most of us are the same size.  after all, “one mans trash is another man’s treasure” and there ain’t no shame in my game.   but every once in a while, the allure of something new and shiny just can’t be ignored.   feel me??  =)