The Ex-Files

sorry for the lag on posting January’s short story.   This ones taken straight from my personal vault….    Don’t forget to read parts 2, 3, and 4 on What The Hellz!  


The Tale of a Girlfriend #2. 

I smiled ear to ear as my boyfriend tells my mom he loves me.  ”I love your daughter.  I just wanted you to know.”   My mom gave me that look.. (you know, that look) while simultaneously fake smiling at my new boyfriend of 6 weeks.

What a whirlwind six weeks it was though.  Six weeks ago we locked eyes at Starbucks and I found myself infatuated with this man.  Five weeks ago, we shared our first kiss at Ocean Beach.   Four weeks ago he called me his girlfriend.   Three weeks ago I met his parents.  Two weeks ago he took me on our first trip to So-Cal.   Last week he told me he loved me.   Today, he tells my mom.

I watch him leave voicemails for three girls, telling them all that he’s with somebody now, and that they need to stop whatever they’re doing.  Funny, I didnt even know he was seeing other people until the day before.   He was driving me to the mall in my car, and I leaned over to kiss him.  I can’t kiss him enough, I kind of almost make myself sick.   Suddenly, he stiffens up and looks away, and I wonder what the fuck is going on.   He points to the car in front of us, one of his side girls being the driver.  I can see her looking at me in her rear view mirror….. she looks like a 12 year old boy.

I ask why it matters, and he tells me their story.   I’m not really paying attention because I’m too annoyed that they even have a story.   Who the fuck is she and why is my man trippin if she sees us?

“We used to have this thing….  we told each other we’d always be friends…. she’s dating this other guy now but he doesnt know about us…blah blah womp womp.”

Oh what was that?  I couldn’t hear over the sound of me blacklisting the bitch.

I thought about this while I watched him dial her number and mentally added a checkmark to my “Win” column.  I win.   I heard him tell the other two breezies the same deal, and added two more checkmarks to my side. I’m petty and I’m a bitch but I really don’t care.

I win.   I win over her, and her, and her.  He loves me, and I win.

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