Meeting people isn’t as organic as it used to be.  Before, you would meet someone and try and get to know them.  Find out their name, where they went to school, what their interests were.  It would be a coincidence if you knew the same people, and getting a picture was almost like getting the Holy Grail.  You only knew what they would tell you and vice versa.   It was fun and it was exciting… it was like, opening a new book for the first time and not being able to wait till you get to the next chapter.  

Meeting people used to be amazing. 

Nowadays, you meet someone and with a few keyboard strokes, you’ve already found out what he had for dinner, where his last vacation was, his siblings, and **dun dun dun** his girlfriend’s name, age, date of birth and occupation.  (btw,  makeup HELLA works for her.) 

Facebook makes everyone a stalker.   While the next time you see him, he’s telling you about his weekend you have to act surprised.  Why?  Because you already knew that he went to the Cherry Blossom Festival with his girlfriend of 6 years and his homeboys from high school.  

Of course you knew.  Because not only do you have 7 mutual friends, YOU ALSO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM.

But you can’t tell him that, now can you?  Cuz then you’d look like the crazy stalker bitch and that is not a good look.   So you ask him about where he works,  although you already know the answer.   You feign interest in this “new” knowledge of him being a Pop Warner football coach, even though you’ve already looked up the team schedule.   And you not only  have a picture of him in a suit and tie, at the beach, and straight from the gym; but you also have a family portrait of him, the girlfriend, and the dog — that you stare at sporadically so you can confirm AGAIN that she does, in fact, need makeup. 

Facebook turns normal girls into the FB-motherfuckin-I.  

Are you a fan?