In this moment.

Sometimes, life kills me.   Most of the time, I KILL IT. 

This time is one of those “Sometimes” moments.

One of those moments when all you want to do is assume the fetal position and drown in anything other than your thoughts.   Its one of those moments when you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders — your lungs collapse, your chest caves in, and you want nothing more than to simply give the fuck up.

Its one of those moments that feel like they last for an eternity.  You know each moment is new and yet here you are, still, exactly, the same.   One of those moments where you look around and nothing has changed… except you. 

Its like, one of those moments remembering another moment.  A happier one.  Wanting nothing more than to relive it — maybe not the moment per se, but just the feeling you had when you were in it.   Shit, any feeling other than this one.   

Its one of those moments that replay over and over again in your head.  The moment that changed everything.   And you know that moment is in the past, but THAT moment still lingers with you and taints THIS moment, then the next.   That moment is still real, making this moment nonexistant. 

Because in this moment, you can’t even begin to pinpoint which fucked up feeling is consuming you.   This moment, you wish to pass.   And it does… but u feel the same about the moment after, and the moment after that, and the moment after that.   The world hasn’t stopped…but yours has.   Right here. In this moment. 

Yeah, its one of THOSE moments.  

And its fucking killing me.

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8 comments

  1. yoshi · April 29, 2010

    even though i’m super MIA, i’m always thinking of you and praying for you… ❤

  2. Sweet tea · April 30, 2010

    Just stumbled upon your blog. This post perfectly describes my current state.
    “Its one of those moments when you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders — your lungs collapse, your chest caves in, and you want nothing more than to simply give the fuck up”

    Couldn’t have said it better myself 😦

  3. Eun Ji · April 30, 2010

    Dude, I’m totally going through the SAME EFFIN’ THING. I would probably add ‘suck my thumb, and listen to Coldplay (blech!) in a dark hole in the middle of the earth’s core’ to ‘assume the fetal position.’

    I figured that life was going a little bit too easy right now.

    Please know that whatever it is, I’ll be thinking and praying for you. We’ll all see the sunshine after the rain ❤

    • Raaachem · April 30, 2010

      Eun Ji, Sweet Tea — chin up gals. we’ll get there.
      Jess- Thank you. I love you. remember, CORNIK!

  4. Rocky · May 2, 2010

    “because in this moment, you can’t even begin to pinpoint which fucked up feeling is consuming you. ” INDEED, straight up confusion. But the thing that I learned from L-Boogie is that most of the time when we feel like we’re the only ones going through a hardass time or we feel like we can’t handle something… We are NOT the only ones because usually there are more people in our boat than we realized. So stay up and ain’t nothin’ to heavy for the one above.. and something you’ve said before in your blog “Without the storm you wouldn’t be able to recognize sunshine.” ❤

  5. Coley · May 7, 2010

    love you rach, hope to see you soon girl.

  6. Pingback: We gotta believe in somethin’ « Raaachem.com | Boss Bizness
  7. FROZEN · June 21, 2011

    Love this.

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