“Being your friend is killing me softly.” — Miguel.

One of the most searched phrases on this blog is the one above, and it couldn’t hold anymore truth than it does now. 

I’ve said many times before that I have the most amazing friends.  I have friends that will leave work to pick me up from the airport, cut their time in Vegas short to help me bury my son, and not pay rent to go with me on vacation.   My friends are nothing short of a blessing in my life.  

I was reminded of this on Saturday during a monthly Girl’s Night with my favorite pek peks.   We cooked, we drank, and we laughed.  A LOT.  King’s cup should be re-named to Queen’s Cup and ghost stories SUCK when u come home alone to a dark empty house.  (Please believe I slept with the lights on.) Love is just love, and friends = family.  I believe that, truly.  

On the flip side, I have had people in my life who just…. leave.  Friends who used to talk to me everyday just to tell me she’s on the toilet.  (Ha!) Or invite me to her cousin’s birthday dinner, even though it was strictly family.   Friends who used to call in late to work on a Sunday to eat Cha Cha Cha with me, and weekly happy hours full of gossip and stories and laughter.   Friends who used to just be…friends. 

Until the day I realized we were no longer friends anymore. 

Life gets in the way of a lot of things.   Priorities change.  People come and go.   And the one thing that makes it all bearable is that I can usually pinpoint exactly where the shift happens.   People disappear for a reason.  Legit or not, I know where you went, what you went to do, and who you went to do it with.  And that’s fine.

But when someone who I considered a really close friend just up and disappears, I get all retarded.   When I text you to just say hi cuz I’m thinking about you, cuz I haven’t talked to you in FOREVER and some random man calls me and tells me thats not your number anymore, I get hella suspect.   When I email you (cuz apparently, I don’t have your number anymore) and never hear anything back, I assume your busy.  And then I hear you’re partying it up in Vegas and my crazy crown comes back on.

What the fuck did I do?  Did I say something?   What. Happened?!   I know I sound like a psycho ex-girlfriend but I promise, all I want is to know you’re alive.   It’d be nice to know why you feel the need to completely shut me out, but if you don’t want to tell me, that’s fine.   I respect that.  I just thought we were better friends than that.  I thought we were better friends than this.   Hell, I thought we were friends in general.    

Hello?  Are you there?  No?

I guess I’ll just call someone else, then.