Dear God,

Everyone you love is going to end up hurting you.   There are no exceptions.  You just have to figure out which ones are worth the pain. 

Somehow I always believed that the fairytale I daydreamed myself in as a child would become my reality by the time I hit 24.   I’m about to be 28 now, and my life-long efforts to turn those daydreams into fruition have failed me.  I’m looking at things I thought I wanted and am realizing that things didn’t pan out as expected.  And thats ok because not everything does.  But I’m at a point where I feel as if my world is imploding on me.  My soul is suffocated and I am desperately searching for a breath of fresh air.

The heart doesn’t know what it wants, until it finds what it wants.   I just keep waiting for my heart to start singing, but either I can’t hear it or it just shut the fuck up on me.  

 I struggle with myself on a daily basis.   I count my blessings and thank the Lord for everything he’s given me, but I do not deny that my life is not all candycanes and rainbows.  Life is killing me, and I just realized that I’ve been signing my own death slip. 

Everyone has their own personal struggles.   This is mine.   

I need a life intervention.   Dear God, help me. 

God, grant me the…
Serenity to accept things we cannot change,
Courage to change the things we can, and the
Wisdom to know the difference
Patience for the things that take time
Appreciation for all that we have, and
Tolerance for those with different struggles
Freedom to live beyond the limitations of our past ways, the
Ability to feel your love for us and our love for each other and the
Strength to get up and try again even when we feel it is hopeless.
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2 comments

  1. me · August 25, 2010

    Girl, I feel you on this 110%. I try to live by that same prayer on a daily, but it’s so damn hard. Life has thrown me more than a few curveballs in my 29years of life, and I’ve just been thrown the worst of it all. I still am trying to figure things out, but it seems as though I never will. Figuring out who is worth the pain, how do I even start? 😦 Blessings on us both, girl. Hope you reach your turning point.

  2. Eun Ji · August 25, 2010

    You always know what my heart feels…seriously. Along with ‘me,’ I’ve been thrown my fair share of curveballs in life. I’m 28 as well, and trust, things in my life aren’t ANYWHERE where I thought they’d be (for one thing, in my ideal world, my mom would still be alive). Maybe we’re just all at an age where we have to figure out what’s important in life. Maybe it’s time for a life overhaul. Here’s something that I read that really hits home for me.

    If we miss life’s whispered teachings, they return as wake-up calls, and when God calls, we had better pick up the phone. Adversity is one way the universe gets our attention. Physical pain calls us to balance the boy. Emotional suffering reveals to us our illusions and resistance. Mental suffering reveals the healing power of the present. Some pain is inevitable, but as we learn to listen to life’s gentle lessons, suffering dissolves.

    I don’t know what you’re going through, but whatever it is, know that I hope that everything works out in your favour. I’m sure that it will: as I used to tell my co-teacher in Korea, ‘everything will work itself out.’

    Love to you ❤

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