We Were On a Break

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Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

We Were On A Break — pt 1

Posted by raaachem on 5th August 2010

“I need space.”

The funny thing about hearing the word space, is that it automatically makes room for itself.  The word space creates space – in your life, in your heart and even in this room, it shows itself.   Here it is now,  filled with a deafening silence. 

“So you want to break up with me?”  I asked.
“No.  I don’t want to break up.  I just want… a break. You know, to figure it all out.  To figure out if this is what I really want.”  

I swallow back a throat full of tears and say exactly what I think he means.
“To figure out if I’m what you really want?” 
“Yeah.” 

He said this with so much conviction and without any hesitation.  There was no doubt in his eyes, no emotion on his face.  He needs space and instantly, there is an infinite amount of space between us despite him sitting accross the table.

Space.

And there it is.

I’m staring at this man.  This man that I love whom I’ve shared the last three years with.  I’m staring at him, searching for the man I used to recognize.  That man wouldn’t have needed space and that man wouldn’t have even WANTED space but this man?  This man can’t even stand to look at me, and I can’t even stand to be here. 

I pick up my purse, throw the pieces of my shattered heart in, and run.   With each step the space between us increases.  I laugh at the irony of it all. The tears finally find their way out of my throat , make their way up and out of my eyeballs and fall onto my face when I finally make it home. 

My roomate looks startled to see me and asks me why I look so shitty.

I start to answer her and try to explain the best I can.  But with each spoken word, the “space” gets realer, and wider, and longer, and deeper. 

“We’re on a break.”

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