First and foremost, before I start this post I’d like to just confirm that, above all else, I HATE the gym.
I’ve had a gym membership since 2003 that I used MAYBE 5 times a year. I’m the kind of girl who used to cringe at the thought of using a workout machine and only ran after the ice cream truck.
Until… I got a double chin check.
And I came to discover that trying to run outside in SF during the wintertime is NOT THE BIZNESS. And then came the day my metabolism smacked me in the face (and hips and ass and double chin) and said “Fuck you, I’m not working.” All those extra pounds and stored fat started to love me. They started to make a home on my body and snickered at me everytime I decided to skip the stairs for the elevator. SNICKERED AT ME. Who likes getting laughed at, even if it is from imaginary voices?
Since I’ve been back at it and doin’ work, I’ve come to notice the different kinds of people who go to the gym. And not the all-business-I-come-here-to-get-fit-and-healthy-working-out-is-my-totem kind of people. I mean the REST of the people at the gym. For your sake, I hope you aren’t one of them.
The Faker. These people are everywhere. They’re the ones who use up precious time at a machine and only pretend to work out. The ones who would much rather text on their phone than pedal on the spin bike. The ones who, when you pass by them, pretend they’re “taking a break” when its already been 10 minutes. THATS why they keep coming and STILL look like that.
The Social Butterfly. The ones who come to simply see their friends. They mingle at the stretching area, hang out at the water fountain, and spot your free weight set. Yet, come to think of it, you never really see them even attempt to work out. Interesting.
The “I’m Too Sexy.” You see them. You see the girl on the stair master, practcing her winks. You see the guy doing reps in front of the mirror, giving himself a boner with every set. The people walkin’ around like they’re God’s gift to the planet. Who am I to tell them different? lol.
The Overdressed. Who wears earrings and a lace bra to work out? Enough said.
The Match.com Reject. Someone please tell these people they will not find the love of their life at the gym so can they PLEASE stop giving googly eyes to whoever looks their way?! I mean, it’s just plain creepy.
You can catch me en route from Bikram to Bally most days. And if you fall into any of the above categories, THANK YOU for providing me with an abundance of entertainment while I try and run my hips off. Do Work, Son!