Have I mentioned how much I hate Facebook? Not that I’m not an avid user, post my own links, and FB stalk as much as the next bitch. Because I do all of that, and then some. But here’s my issue with Facebook (and previously MySpace, Friendster, etc etc).
You can be whoever the fuck you wanna be, and no one would know the difference.
Case in point: A lifetime ago, I used to date this guy. I loved him. Like, crazy ex-girlfriend, do anything for him, threaten to kill myself if he left me loved him. Like, us against the world, fuck what his parents thought, lets elope when we turn 18 loved him. Like, “I’ll follow you anywhere,” “Who the fuck is paging you?”, “Lemme smell ur dick because I don’t like how that bitch was looking at you,” loved him. Like, spent an entire paycheck to get on a plane and fly to nowhere to see him on our anniversary, only to find out he was cheating on me with a married woman, and then STILL offer to elope like a crazy woman LOVED him.
Well, we’re “friends” on Facebook now. And according to his profile, he’s perfectly fat and happy in some exotic city halfway around the world, with an ugly wife and a beautiful baby boy. Did you need me to give you a minute to re-read that? Yeah, I call em like I see em.
I neither feel happy for him, nor upset for myself. As a matter of fact, I feel indifferent. He could have been one legged, homeless and gay for all I care, I would have “like”d his status anyway. So I put it away in my mind’s rolodex, The Ex is happily happy. Noted.
Until one day I ran into some really old friends of ours. Friends who were there through it all, the rise and fall of our seemingly fated relationship… and found out, he’s a fake. He’s separated, battling for custody for his child, and dating yet another, ugly (albiet less ugly than the wifey) girl.
I’m not even mad about it, but it just…. figures. No one wants their bizness on Front Street, but I’m just sayin’, unless you REALLY know somebody, you can’t take what’s on Facebook for face value.
Your “friends” are more than a profile picture and a relationship status. And it just makes sense because if you REALLY wanted to know whats up with me, stop stalking my shit and lets grab some coffee. Because during the other 23.5 hours of the day that I’m not updating my status I actually have a real offline life.
And all those in-between moments? All the moments that you don’t get to see on my Facebook? I “Like” those the best because my real friends know about them.