You guys just don’t understand. I’ve been staring at my computer screen for over 2 hours, tryna make sense of the mess that’s in my head. It’s not even that I don’t have anything to write about, it’s more that I have TOO MUCH to say.
Tryna figure my life out right now is comparable to Jenga. Removing pieces I don’t need, hoping the whole thing doesn’t come crashing down. But if it does, would that be so bad? I used to think yes, but I’m beginning to believe that starting over isn’t as horrible as people make it out to be.
Weeding out the unecessary leaves room for growth, right? Emptying out the negative creates space for the positive. I know this. So why does the empty space feel so… empty? And lonely? And dark?
The light at the end of the tunnel is so far away. If I squint it looks just like a bottle or three of Rose. Maybe it looks like party and bullshit with my best friends. In fact, if I listen close, it sounds like my favorite song. These are the sunshine to my life at the moment. And those empty spaces? The cracks in the imperfect? THAT’S how the light gets in.
So I’m gonna keep stripping myself down to my bare necessities, to hopefully one day, reflect the light of my own sun. In the mean time, I’m on a 24 hour champagne diet. My glass is half empty…. fix that.