He’s just not that into you.

“He just can’t handle a real woman like you.”
“She doesn’t know what she wants.”
“He just doesnt have time for a relationship.”
“She has comittment issues.”

Excuses,  excuses, excuses.   I hate to break it to you Sweetie, but all of those excuses mean the same thing.  S/He’s just not that into you.  I promise!!!  So ladies and gentlemen, please keep yourself from believing the bullshit. Here are 5 sure fire signs that s/he’s just not that into you.

1. He never takes you out.  — It’s 1:30 am on a Saturday morning and ur phone goes off.  He’s texting you, looking for a cuddy buddy.    It’s a Tuesday night at 8 and he wants to come over with take out and a movie.  Girlfriend,  I hate to break it to you, but you are – simply put – a cum bucket.  

2.  She hasn’t introduced you to any of her friends. — Every girl comes with a good set of girlfriends.  Girls she tells everything to, shares bikinis with, and cries over the phone to.   Girls who, if you meant anything to her, know all about you, including the size of your penis.  (Which according to her is comparable to a Moose).  If you haven’t met any of them within the first couple months, this girl is gonna break your heart.  

3.  He never goes out of his way.  Chivalry is not dead.   Chivalry is only dead if he doesn’t give a shit.  So, lets say he drives 40 minutes out of his way to spend your lunch hour with you… hmm lets say… everyday.  He likes you.   Let’s say he won’t drive 10 minutes to see you when you’re on his route home from work.  He’s just not that into you. 

4.  She doesn’t care about how she looks in front of you.  Cuz even the prettiest girls have thier insecurities.   I love myself, yes.  I’m slightweight conceited, yes.  But I still hate my five-head, my stretch marks and my acne prone skin.   If it’s only been 2 dates and I’m prancin’ around with my bangs out of my face, booty shorts and pimple cream, I don’t care enough about you to care about what you think of me.   Lol.  Sorry. 

And lastly… drumroll please……….

5.  He tells you to stop calling / texting him.   Ladies, men do not speak our language.   When we say no, it means no.  Or it could mean maybe.  It could even mean “I’m one Patron shot away from Yes.”  When he says no, it means no.   It still means no after you buy him those Jordans he wanted.  And it will still mean no after you give him the best head of his life.   Doesn’t matter if you offer your pussy on a silver platter, if it still smells like bullshit, right?  

Take a hint.  Get a clue.  Buy a vowel.  He’s just not that into you. 

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