We gotta believe in somethin’

“I don’t believe we’re wicked.  I know that we sin, but I do believe we try. “

We are a work in progress, right?   We all try to be better, do better, live better.   We gotta believe in something, and what better thing to believe in than ourselves?   Last April was life changing for me.  (Remember this post?) and in the five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes since, I’ve changed myself. 

Things happen for a reason, I believe that.   I found myself in the depths of the fucking abyss, drowning in my life in cigarettes and alcohol and sorrows.   Until one day I said, FUCK ALLA THIS SHIT.   I told myself life didn’t have to be the way it was, and I did somethin’ about it. 

Without further adieu, the best three things I’ve done for myself this past year.

1.  Quit smoking.  Hi. I was a smoker.  and proud of it too.  I don’t really know why I quit or how I did it.  Lord knows I’ve had many failed attempts which you’ve all read about, but one day, somewhere, somehow, it stopped.   It wasn’t so much a conscious effort to quit, more of a conscious effort to do other things like, chew gum?  And work out without huffing and puffing.   Which brings me to my next point… 

2.  Discover Yoga / Hire a personal trainer.  REAL FUCKING TALK, the best investment I’ve ever made.   Kill the body, clear the mind.  You all know I’m a bonafide lazy ass, but I actually LIKE sweating now.  Who woulda thunk?   I did yoga for 10 months until I became unhappy with plateau’ing.    I was strong, but I wasn’t fit.  *Cue my extra buffed, extra tattooed, extra handsome personal trainer.*  In less than 2 months, he got me RIGHT and I am feelin’ myself in all the right places.   And in my best Fabolous voice,  “I look like the best money that I ever spent.”       

3.  Spring cleaning.  I got rid of a lot of the negativity in my life, people, relationships, habits.  Most notably, the decision to split up was made.  Out of respect, I don’t need to go into details of my failed marriage, but it is what it is and we are who we are.  Moving forward, I’m learning to love myself first, before trying to love anyone else.  More and more, I’m understanding….   and that’s the first step isn’t it?  

“I don’t believe our lives are simple.  And I don’t believe they’re short, this is interlude.  We gotta believe in somethin”   

Small accomplishments are still accomplishments.   We gotta believe in something, and I believe in me.   Look at what I’ve done this year. April of next year?  I plan to be writing this update blog from my 10-day Grecian vacation.  

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes and counting…..

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