I sat accross the table from a very attractive, very well versed, very single, (did I mention very attractive?) young man and heard him utter the words that are like death to a woman’s ears.
“I’m not exactly a relationship kind of guy.”
I laughed. Somewhere in between the third glass of sangria and the jedi-mind-fucking-conversation I lost all tact and filters. And so I sat up straight, fixed my hair, batted my eyelashes, and asked, “What exactly constitutes a ‘relationship’ that makes you not a ‘relationship’ kind of guy?”
I don’t remember his answer verbatim, but he went on to explain that it wasn’t about being with just one person or having sex when and with whom he pleases. It was about the fact that he’s always felt the need to change himself as soon as he decided to bear the title of — (dun dun dun) — boyfriend. He recalled his last failed ‘relationship’ and how the “rules” got to be so confining, he cherished the time away from her.
I nodded my head in agreement because it happens to the best of us. We get so engrossed in another person and the ‘us’ and the ‘we’ and the ‘you’ that we forget about ‘me’. I don’t believe a relationship should leave you having to compromise anything about yourself or your character. Rules? Restrictions? WHAT? Jealousy is a bitch trait that far too many of us posess. (Guilty!) But imposing our insecurities on our partner is something that nobody should tolerate. I’ve been on the receiving end of that shit and believe me when I say — NEXT.
I’m not saying to cake on the weekdays and use the weekend to literally rock out with your cock out. (I mean, you can TOTALLY do that, that shit is fun.) But please make sure to take a “single” weekend to yourself every once in awhile. Not to act ‘single’ but to cherish and nurture you, your talents and your hobbies. Do something solely for the sake of you, because ultimately, you need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with somebody else. It doesn’t have to be every single weekend, but every “single” weekend is good for the soul, and surprisingly, good for your relationship.
And maybe when this guy finds a woman that is ok with alla that, he’ll want to be a “relationship kinda guy” for her.