Tell me who I have to be to get some reciprocity.

“I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself? 
As painful as this thing has been
I just can’t be with no one else.”  – L Boogie.

During a game of 20 questions with my new favorite person, I had to explain what my best flaw was.  I scratched my head and thought, “Great.  I’ve gotta be honest with myself.”  So, I pulled out the mirror and started answering the question. 

Sometime last year I posted this and it still rings true for me today:

It’s not that I’m a masochist, or that I’m an emotional cutter.  It’s more that I’m stubborn, hard headed, and loyal to a fault.  And even when things or habits or even people get to be unhealthy for me, I still stand my ground.   The thing is, I’m choosy.  So when I choose to let someone or something in, they’re in for good…. unconditionally.   I’ve been told I give too much and do too much for the people in my life, even when they don’t match my effort or are ungrateful for mine. 

I think I like the challenge of loving someone who refuses to be loved.  Or the challenge of proving you wrong about yourself.  Or the challenge of staying the course when everyone else says to get the fuck off.  Or something like that.

My best flaw?  I love too hard.  

And it’s caused me too much heartache already.  The only solution I’ve come up with is this.  “You let go, and I’ll let go too.” 

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