I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her.
I stand at an average 5’3″…. which is actually above average when you stick me in a group of my friends who all stand between 4’10” and 5’0″. I was the tallest member of my family until my brother decided to hit puberty, which was all fine by me. I never thought much of it until I met my high school sweetheart who stood at 5’4″. Oh he was small. He was skinny and small and I think we might have shared pants at some point (Read: he wore mine). Mind you, I was a skinny thang too, maybe a size 2. Think about that for a second.
“Taller than me” was a requirement until I met the man whom I would eventually marry. We were the exact same height, barefoot. With shoes on, I was taller… kind of by a lot and he HATED IT (hello Napoleon Complex). I don’t think I put on a pair of heels for three years. This man made me want to shrink to a mini-me. I wanted to be shorter so we didn’t look so funny walking down the street together. I wanted to be smaller so I could wear those 654987321 heels that I had in my closet with him and not feel gigantic. What I would give if I could just give away an inch or two!
TALLER! TALLER! TALLER!
I once dated a 6’0″ motherfucker and it felt great to tippy toe to kiss him or put my arm around his waist without bending over. Until I realized the height didn’t spread itself out evenly, if you know what I mean. And then I met a beautiful man who had an easy 8 or 9 inches on me (on me/in me, same difference). He stood tall and proud. He bent over to kiss me, I fit under his arm….a man who also had no problem letting me shrink. Not that I needed to nor wanted to. The man’s nipple was at eye level for crying out loud. It was just the dynamic of our relationship. He made me feel small. Cut his eyes at me and my opinions, disregarded my feelings and when I stood up for myself? Oh, I was acting up and it was a problem. I wasn’t allowed to be mad or have an opinion. Not being able to be heard when you know you have a voice is frustrating to say the least. It got exhausting, being that small.
One of my girlfriends told me she could see me shrinking next to him. In actuality, so could I. But there was something about it that I couldn’t leave alone. Something about it.. like a moth to a flame burned by the fire, that’s the way love goes. (Sing it, Janet!) Needless to say, that didn’t work out so well for me either. I just got tired of feeling smaller than I already am.
Like I’ve said before, I look at every experience as a lesson and every person as a teacher. If I’ve taken anything away from his big ass it’s this:
Regadless of how short I am, I’m going to stand tall. In fact, I’m going to be COLOSSAL. And I need someone who’s gonna be ok with that.