Collect, Then Select

I think this has to be the first time in …. well, ever, that my girlfriends and I have been single at the same time.   All of us.  I’m not sure what it is about 2011, but this year has seen us all through break ups (again!) , make-ups (again!?), Don’t-look-at-me cry sessions, I’m-ok-but-don’t-hug-me dinners, and too many laughs about what kind of told-you-so-losers we’re dating.

One of my closest girlfriends said that it’s normal though.  What we should be doing as women is collecting…then selecting.  So that’s what we set out to do.  Build a roster and then weed out the ones that don’t make the cut. Before you all jump to conclusions,l et me make one thing clear:  she is not having sex with all of these people.   “Collecting” doesn’t mean having 7 different fuck buddies.  It simply means she’s allowed to keep her options open.  Here goes a list of the boys that didn’t keep their spot on the roster:

Mr. Husband Material – Because even though he’s probably everything she’s ever wanted in a mate, he stands her up, doesn’t return her phone calls and frankly doesn’t put in enough effort.  He can go be someone else’s husband. 

Mr. 2am – He only seems to contact her after club hours.  She is #1 on his drunk dial list.  He only wants one thing, and she isn’t willing to give it to him.  NEXT.

Mr. Nonchalant – He is too cool for school and could care less if she’s free to call him, text him, see him, fb him, entertain him.   He’s got options and he knows it.  Mr. Nonchalant is usually also Mr. Incredibly Handsome.   However, she is not Miss Chase-A-Dick so she’s simply going to put him in the friend file. 

Mr. Group Sext – He sent her a racy morning sext…. He also sent it to other people.  She has an iphone that can see everything.  He’s lucky she didn’t “Reply All.”   How stupid can he be? 

Mr. Already had Sex with Her Friend – He doesn’t know she knows, but she definitely knows.  The “arrangement” he has with her friend is too much to overlook and she refuses to cross that line. 

Mr. In a Situation – Because “situations” are “complicated” and she doesn’t want to complicate her life.  Love could all be so simple…. 

The only one who’s made the cut?  Mr. Still Gives Her Butterflies.    Because he’s the man who tells her she’s beautiful out of the blue.  He’s the man who steals a kiss because she’s looking “magnificent” on date night.  He’s the man who writes proper things like he’s “besotted with her” (look it up.)  He’s the man who won’t stop trying to make her smile, even after he’s already made her cry.   Scratch that, he’s just the man who WON’T STOP TRYING.   Which is why he’s the man who gets the chance to be with the girl.

You see it’s simple…. Collect, then select.  Once she’s selected, it’s gonna be all about him but until then.. life’s a beach and she’s just playing in the sand.


  1. Yesi jukebox · August 5, 2011

    Ahh, where is my Mr. Still Gives Me Butterflies? Wait, where is my Mr. Gives Me Butterflies period. You’ve actually got me trying to figure out who the guys on my roster are. So far the one I enjoy spending time with and talking to most is actually my Mr. Friends With Benefits. For now, I ain’t complaining.

  2. Pingback: #RaaachemProblems « | Boss Bizness

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