(Just in case y’all were wondering, I am NOT shutting down this blog.)
I’ve been told many times that I need to speak up. For those of you who don’t know me, that may seem like a bit of a stretch but I am so much more shy and timid as you think. We’ve established that I’m afraid of imaginary things, like what strangers think of me. I am especially afraid of what the people I care about think of me…. I’m a people pleaser, I do not like to disappoint.
So I pick and choose my battles, not speaking up when I should about when I’m not ok with something or someone. Not asking questions that should have been asked 10 minutes or 10 weeks ago and biting my tongue to avoid a fight…or rejection.
Sometimes I get some courage juice in me and my balls drop from my vagina. Then the filter gets removed.
I’ve been so attracted to a man, his mere presence dumbfounded me. Literally, turned me from an easy going girl who likes to laugh to a deaf and a mute with a staring problem. He was just so beautiful. (I mean, forreal!) I eventually got tired of waiting for him to ask me out again, so one night I was feeling extra bold and extended an invitation. I asked the beautiful mother-fucker out.
At my last job, I was feeling so overworked and underpaid I was stressing myself out. I started to become resentful to my awesome (but cheap) boss and found almost any excuse to not come to work. I couldn’t wait the 7 months till my next performance review and possible pay raise so one day out of the blue, I told my boss I needed more money or I was out.
And he said yes. In both instances.
Sometimes, it’s as easy as asking for what you want.
During a layover on my last jetset, I sat long and hard about the person I was, the person I am, and the person I want to be and have decided to make drastic changes to get me there. If I keep doing what I’ve been doing, I can only expect the same results I’ve been getting. It’s time to do things a little (or a lot) differently. The one thing I will be doing more of, is speaking the fuck up.
Closed mouths don’t get fed on this boulevard.