on love and bullshit.

Originally written 051209.  Reposted by request for a friend of mine.  Thank you for continuing to support my movement. 

in an earlier post i said that sometimes, love just isnt enough to keep two people together. and today i got to thinking about WHY.

sometimes the bullshit gets in the way.

have u ever noticed how people act differently given different situations? granted, i know u dont act the same in front of your mom at home as you do with ur girls on any given night out or even with your significant other on a date. but the essence of you.. the core of you should stay the same right?

so why is it that everything you love about someone seems to get thrown out the window as soon as shit hits the fan? the same person who said she would always be there for you is all of a sudden no where near you and runnin her mouth puttin ur bizness on blast. the same person who promised that he aint the kinda guy to fuck around is at the club tryna holla at your fucking cousin. the quiet, reserved girl you fell in love with morphs into the abnoxious chick at denny’s at 2 am who can’t handle her liquor. the “got-my-shit-straight-swagga-right-brown-skin” guy who swept you off your feet turns into someone you dont even recognize. and you can’t even understand why.

i see it like this..

when you’re waist deep in a relationship with someone, you do a lot of compromise. which is of course how it should be — back and forth, meet in the middle, give some take some kinda deal so long as the both of you are moving forward and together. but of course some people lose themselves in the process. some people give too much or take too much or get too comfortable with always having their way.

but you love them anyways. and you look past the flaws, and the selfishness and the pride and you WORK. you work at making it right, you work at making it better, you work at making your relationship work. and then one day you decide to do something for yourself, rather than for her. you decide you want some alone time, rather than a day of nothing with him. and then the switch goes off.

small changes in your thinking translate into big changes in the dynamic of your relationship. more “me” time might be misconstrued as “fuck, she doesnt love me anymore, she’s fuckin around.” saying “no” more often is viewed as “he no longer wants to do this for me, is he falling out of love with me?” the other party starts to feel… rejected. and thats not a feeling that usually coincides with love.

a healthy, equal relationship is a system of checks and balances. you call each other out on ur bullshit. you keep each other in check. but not all relationships are healthy or equal.. and so the rejected party gets desperate. they push their boundaries more… start becoming someone else entirely, picking fights, screaming for attention — all for YOU to prove your love… which in turn does the complete opposite and just pushes you away.

you remember how she was with you. you remember how he cooked you breakfast in the mornings, or how she put notes in your lunch, or how the two of you used to just talk for hours on end about nothing. you see this person that you still LOVE.. become someone you start to hate and it breaks your heart inside. because you know she’s better than that. you know he really isnt like that… but actions speak louder than words and trying to breathe with a broken heart is just too much to bare.

so you decide you’re better off as friends. you try and be normal but you dont even know what the fuck normal is. normal is morning sex and breakfast in bed but “friends” dont do that. normal is holding hands down the street on the way to dinner but now you dont know what to do with yourself and its too awkward to even look in the eye let alone give a hug hello. normal is being head over heels, shout at the mountain tops, crazy jealous, have you all to herself in love. and sometimes she just dont know how to be any different.

sometimes the love gets in the way.

so then WHAT THE FUCK?! its a catch 22, it doesnt work with you’re lovers and it doesnt work when you’re friends. what do you do now and where do you go from here? and i really have no answer for you….this is one of those rhetorical questions that will never have a wrong or a right.

i just hope one day it wont make sense to me when my best friend tells me she wants him to leave but she doesnt. that i wont get it when i hear a friend tell me he hates his ex but yet he’s still giving her morning sex and breakfast in bed (and lets her use his car and says “how high” when she says “jump” but lets not even go there.)

sometimes, love just isnt enough.  sometimes, its just love…. and bullshit.

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17 comments

  1. Janice · May 12, 2009

    OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH RACHEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. rio tapatio · May 12, 2009

    This was a hellaaaaaaaaaaa good post Rachel, real talk.

    I read the whole thing.! Lol.! You are very right about the compromises, a little bit of give and take with checks and balances.

    I think the turning point for some people versus others if approaching a bump in the road if one comes up. ignoring shit aint gna work. it'd aggravate a person.

    people can either come back from it, or they dont.

    <3

  3. awesome and well written post. i always enjoy your reads. =] PLEASE stay here on blogger. =(

  4. sanniet · May 12, 2009

    Great post. Well written and so true!

  5. X3MZSHAR · May 13, 2009

    wow awesome post. It made me think. *new follower!

  6. Tima · May 13, 2009

    AMAZZZING ; VERRY WELL PUTT ! IM DIGGIN THIS BLOG CAUSE ITS DAMN TRUE.

  7. Judee · May 15, 2009

    You are good. Can I repost a part of it?…of course giving you some street cred.

  8. leslie · May 16, 2009

    I freaking love yourr blog posts!!!

  9. christine · May 18, 2009

    I love your blog!!!! It’s so true and real!

    • Raaachem · May 18, 2009

      Thanks leslie and Christine!!! 🙂

      live. laugh. love. be fabulous. Raaachem.wordpress.com | WTForks.com | WhatTheHellz.com Sent from my iPhone

  10. jayee · May 19, 2009

    You’ve quickly become one of my favorite reads.
    Some of the realest shit ive seen in a damn looong time. Love it. keep at it Ma.

  11. Pingback: What the Hellz?!! » move over Dr. Phil.
  12. Pingback: lets take it back. « Raaachem.com | Boss Bizness
  13. Joan · October 18, 2011

    Amazing writing! I love your blog!

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