Originally written 11.11.09.  Interesting how things are still very relevant to certain situations ain’t it?  P.S.  if you think I reposted this for you, I probably did.  😉 Love y’all.

Would you rather…

be with someone you don’t love forever
or
never have that one person you can’t get over?

After playing with the “Would You Rather” app on the iPhone, my cousin and I came across this question and the both of us kinda just sat there.. let out a big sigh.. and made this sad face.  cuz either way, you’re stuck.   and either way, you’re screwed.

being with someone you don’t love is hard.  but a lot of people i know do it.. wether it be out of fear, out of comfort, or just plain laziness.   some people equate self sacrifice to love, and as long as they keep trying, and keep on keepin’ on… that’s love right?  no.  its selling urself short.   and its building a relationship full of resentment.  its constantly asking urself, “What am I doing?” and not having an answer.  its waking up every day knowing it could be easier, better off, or just plain happy.

its going thru the motions, but never going thru the emotions.

but for some people, thats ok.   its enough to just have companionship, or know that someone is gonna be there for them when they come home.  its enough that there’s someone who is willing to provide for them, or will love them unconditionally, even if the feelings are not reciprocated fully.   its enough.

and to each his own, i guess but there’s nothing like that feeling of being head over heels, can’t believe he’s with me, can’t wait to get home, shout at the mountain tops, wanna tattoo ur name on my forehead love.  and once you’ve had it, its kind of pointless to settle for anything less.

but what if you HAVE had it, and then lost it?   then what?   one of my very good friends was with the love of his life for as long as i can remember.  and then they grew up and grew apart, broke up and went their separate ways.    that was ummm… 5 years ago?   and he hasn’t dated anyone since.    they were back together for a brief period and i can honestly say that i’ve never seen him so happy.   but that was short-lived and so were his smiles, and his genuine playfulness.   its like, without her, he wasn’t complete.

which i can completely, fully understand. sometimes you find a love so amazing that you wonder how you ever survived without it.  but sometimes, it just doesn’t work out.  and you go thru the motions, you become the depressed girl, the girl in denial, the miss-independent, but you also become the girl who closes her heart and gives up hope.  you become the girl who is so blind to her pain, that you cannot see anything else.  you become a shell of your former self, and you truly believe that only HE can make u whole again.

but what if he can’t.   more importantly, what if he doesn’t want to.   dont you owe it to yourself to try?  don’t you owe it to yourself to find happiness?   don’t you owe it to yourself to take the next step?

sometimes you need to stop holding on so you can start moving on.

because moving on and letting go isn’t about giving up, its about growing up.   and as much as we want to be 13 again, we cant be. we have to be 26 because no matter how hard we try, we are nothing more than who we are right now.  and wishing for a better furture or wanting to go back to a better past wont do us any good if we dont know how to to turn then into now.   we have to allow ourselves to grow past people, and places, and things, and us.  we have to allow ourselves to change and to  have the courage to let go of what we know and embrace what we don’t.

would you rather:
be in a life imagining how much better it could be
or
have the courage to pursue your own happiness?