As a person who expresses herself through words, there’s something to be said for any body of work that I put out. It’s never long enough, never eloquent enough, never edited enough. For this reason alone, I have formed a habit of publishing my posts immediately after writing them; before I can second guess myself, before I over-edit and lose the essence of my words, and before I chicken out.
Reading Zadie Smith’s 10 Rules of Writing, her last one stood out to me. “Resign yourself to the lifelong sadness that comes from never being satisfied.”
Because no post is ever perfect or ever enough. No body of words can ever convey how deeply I feel for you. Or how happy I am in this moment. Or how much it hurts to remember. The word “Hella” is just not colossal enough, the word “pain” doesn’t do my heart justice, and there is no word in the english language to describe how full my soul feels at any given moment.
What I’ve learned over years of writing down what comes, is that not only will I never be satisfied, but more importantly: There is no remedy for memory.
Only a verbal vomit that starts in your soul, passes through your stomach, and rips your heart out on its way up your throat… or through your fingers. Nothing can prepare you for the menagerie of emotions that floods you once you start writing about the things you know and feel.