Chronicles of HEFFERISM, vol 5

its been a while since i’ve done one of these.. so here we go.

currently craving GARLIC SPAM – i’ve only found this shit in Hawaii’s Walmart and gadamn this tastes 10x better than it sounds. and i know it already sounds good right? garlic infused spam? shit, garlic infused anything is grrrreaaatt! i’ll be sure to leave extra space in my suitcase for the cans i plan on bringing back home.

take me back to BOOTS AND KIMO’S – 3 days and counting till i’m back at my all time favorite breakfast spot on Oahu. .. the home of the original macadamia nut pancake sauce, this is always always ALWAYS the first stop on the first morning i wake up on hawaii.. located in a small town called Kailua, its the perfect place to eat, then head to my all time favorite beach.. lanikai. if u make it here, try the pulehu ribs, portugese sausage, corn beef hash omelette, and wash it all down with a side of banana macadamia nut pancakes and some lilikoi juice! i cannot WAIIIT.. if an orgasm on a plate existed, it would be sold at boots.

let me make DAE DAE’S CHEESE PUFFS – named after my girl who makes em, Dana.. she made these for us on Xmas, and again last sunday for superbowl and god, can they be heaven in a fried wrapper??
hella chopped bacon (1 pack)
1 1/2 sticks cream cheese
4 oz sour cream
1 bunch spinach
wonton wrappers
cook bacon till crispy. drain. add spinach, let wilt. add cream cheese and sour cream till melted. wrap in wonton wrapper. deep fry the bitch. garnish with cilantro and serve with spicy sweet n sour sauce. ta-fuckin-da its a party in ur mouth.

i want to try THE FRONT PORCH – the spicy crab and grits made it to 7×7’s SF 100 things to eat and drink before you die… spicy crab? thats like, my all time favorite combination. let me google map that shit n ill tell u about it when i get back.

until next time folks!

chronicles of hefferism vol. 4

currently craving – CHIPOTLE CHICKEN ENCHILADAS. the other day i hit up chevys with tat and queenie and thought i’d try something different. wowoweeee. the chicken had just the right amount of spice in the marinade, and the sauce over the top was milk, creamy, but kicked ur throat as u tried to swallow it down. ganda ganda naman..

take me back to – SATURA CAKES. after doing the breast cancer walk in san jose, and before hitting the spa with my sisters we walked around campbell waiting for our table at stacks.. we stumble upon this bakery that had samples of their french toast at the door. oh sweet jesus christ almighty, i just about had a mini orgasm. this place is an organic bakery that only uses organic ingredients as they bake all their shit fresh on the daily.. from strawberry shortcakes, to green tea cream puffs, cookies, muffins and of course, my favorite french toast. make sure to hit up their campbell, los altos, or hawaii locations.

let me make – BROWNIE BITES. i’ve been making these since i discovered them in the refridgerated section of pak’n’save. Nestle Brownie Bites (in the yellow square packaging). bake at 350 for 11 minutes and sprinkle with a healthy dose of powdered sugar or crack cocaine, whichever you prefer.

i want to try – PAD SEE EW WITH CHILI AND SUGAR. cuz according to abi, its the shit! next time i hit up thai bbq, this will be my order!

chronicles of HEFFERism vol. 3

currently craving – TRISH’S MINI DONUTS. everytime i hit up the wharf i always make a stop at trish’s mini donuts for a bag-o-fun. miniature old fashioned donuts sprinkled with cinnamon sugar seem to make the sound of seals blissful, and the smell of salty air heaven…maybe next time we have lunch tho, we wont get shitted on by birds!

take me back to – TOYOSE!!. ahhh FINALLY. came here last sunday with abi and kris and let me just say…. this place is the culinary equivalent to a morning wood. kim chee fried rice was the best i’ve ever had, the mussles were to die for. the soju is cracked..made with real fruit (forreal u can see the strawberry seeds in that shit.) did i mention this place is in a garage? but who cares! my taste buds were happyyyyyyy…the next time i’m craving some real food after midnight, i’m driving my ass here…

let me make – SPAM CHIPS. ok. sounds weird, but its so good. slice spam in a mandolin (if u dont have one, get one). deep fry till crispy. best pulutan, or just with rice. god i am sooo filipino.

i want to try – BOB’S DONUT AND PASTRY SHOP. on polk st, i hear the cheese danish and maple cake are something to write home about. sooooo the next time im in the city ill drag my fat ass over this way.

chronicles of hefferism Vol. 2

currently craving – ROTI NIGGA, ROTI.. if there’s one thing that will bring Nes, Adri and me back from having a bad day, its roti. this thai flat bread is often served as an appetizer with curry dipping sauce, but our weakness is dessert (roti prata)… served with a hefty drizzling of condensed milk and mango ice cream on the side. most tuesday nights you’ll find us at bangkok garden making all the work day stresses go away…

take me back to – BETELNUT. i satisfied my betelnut craving this last weekend and this place never disappoints. chili crusted calamari, scallops on coconut rice cakes, shrimp fried rice, green beans, galanga beef, kalbi beef, spring rolls, firecracker shrimp….. and there was only 3 of us. haha. my absolute favorite appetizer is the wok fired peanuts (peanuts, chili peppers, anchovies, green onion). even though its no longer on the menu, if u call ahead the chef will gladly make it for you…

let me make – FRIED GARLIC BREAD. i think the last time i made this was in tahoe and it was a HIT.
mix margarine, garlic powder, and shredded cheddar cheese in bowl. spread mixture on one side of bread only.. fry in pan mixture side down until golden brown. proceed to enjoy.

i want to try – SPRINKLES. i still havent been to the one in palo alto, but i need to make the trip to see if their cupcakes are up to par with the one with l.a. sooon.. soon…

HEFFERism 101

Current mood: like i havent been fed in a week

“when god was giving away talent, rachel was in line at the buffet.” – hot.sauce

cuz my lifelong aspiration is to be a food critic (seriously this is my CALLING.. how can i be down?) i’ve decided to write a continuous blog series on my favorite foods, restaurants, and recipes. i crave food like a pregnant lady, and eat like an obese man, so i promise you this will be interesting.

currently craving – MALASADAS. if you dont already know what this is, then dear child put your internet savvy to work and google that shit. malasadas are like krispy kreme on crack. a portugese donut that was introduced to me on my first trip to Leonards on Oahu and please believe its always my 2nd stop (Zippy’s being the first) when i touch down in the 808.. i usually get a mix of plain sugar, cinnamon sugar, and custard filled malasadas, and for about $4 for half a dozen of em, it should last u till the end of ur surf lesson.

take me back to – THE HOUSE. on one of our many girls nights out (hereafter reffered to as gno), me and my main hit up this small pan asian spot in north beach. yes, there is never any parking, the place is tiny and noisy, but fuck the sea bass is on point. there was 9 of us out and every one of us had an orgasmic experience… the chilean sea bass, the cod, the salmon roll, the mussels, the angus flat iron w/ mashed (that had mushrooms in it), the dessert… i swear the entire menu is worth the 5 block walk from the parking lot.

let me make – PINEAPPLE CHEESECAKE. one of my specialities (aside from my mooncake which i will NEVER give up the recipe for) is my pineapple cheesecake. stupid easy, and stupid good.. here we go..
1 stick cream cheese
1 egg
1 jar of marshmallow creme
1 8 oz can of crushed pineapple
mix all ingredients on stovetop on low heat until smooth. pour into ready made graham cracker crust and bake in 375 degree oven for 50 minutes. TADA. its a party in ur mouth.

i want to try – TOYOSE. korean food in the sunset, on 45th and Noriega… Tina loopt-ed it one night and had my salivary glands on overdrive. been trying to find the time to go (Kris, Queen, r/s to next friday k?) and i will definitely be giving u guys a play by play on my experience.

until next time. heff away.! and pls feel free to add ur own reviews bc i ALWAYS want to try new shit and hear about your culinary experiences… =)


Current mood: like an amazing cow.

i’ll be the first one to tell you that i’m a fuckin heffer. real talk, i eat like an obese man. fuck the non fat-low fat- low sodium- sugar free-100 calorie pack-bullshit. im the kinda girl who will get a western burger with bacon and avocado, sour cream and chive fries, a vanilla malt, and then wash it down with a brownie for dessert… and STILL be hungry 2 hours later.

my weight has always fluctuated… from about 100 lbs my freshman year of high school, to 160 lbs at my last day pregnant.. But at every single pound in between, i LOVED me. frankly, i gives a fuck what a hater gotta say about how i look… wether or not my thighs thunder harder than yours, or my muffin top bangs outta my jeans wider than hers.. or whatever the fuck ever the topic of the day is REALLY dont matter to me.

the only thing that ever mattered to me is how i felt in my own skin.

in our narcisistic world, a woman who is just slightly larger than the average woman, doesnt get pegged as “slight to moderate chub.” instead, she gets pegged as “a gigantor whale.” to further elaborate, every female thinks that ANY female who is larger than they are is automatically FAT. dont lie. in many people’s eyes, a woman who is not thin, is fat. period.

the average american woman, in all her averageness, is well into “fat” territory. she teeters on the brink of plus sizes and probably has some flesh that isnt rock solid. while the average woman you know (and every damn female i know) falls within the “healthy” bmi range, she probably thinks she’s fat and hates herself for it–and plenty of strangers -err haters- definitely think she’s fat and hates her for it.

meanwhile, in an effort to be “polite” women both fatter and thinner than she is will repeatedly tell her she’s NOT fat.. but they aint there when her boyfriend pinches her belly and says she could use a couple sit ups. they also aint there when she orders soup, salad, pasta, and dessert, and the waitress looks at her like she ordered a dead baby on a plate. and WHY do thin girls complain about the size of their thighs assuming she’ll relate, cuz well..obviously…..

this “average american woman wears a size 14” bullshit dont mean SHIT to a woman who feels like she dont make the cut. the next time some barely chubby woman complains about being fat, and your kneejerk response is to tell her that she aint, consider for just a minute that maybe- just maybe- she’s heard from about 1,000 other sources that she IS, in fact.. FAT. fatty fat fat.

telling a woman there is nothing wrong with her body, and telling a woman she is not fat, is NOT the same thing. the probelm is not wether u are or arent officially “fat”.. but its all the negative connotations that the word “fat” brings to the table…which would then automatically mean that there IS something wrong with her body.

it took me a looong while to realize that nobody and no body is perfect. so the fuck what if your boobs are bigger, your bff’s stomach is flatter, your cousin’s thighs are thinner, and your fucking sister’s ass is nicer… because i got a man and the best damn girlfriends who love me JUST THE WAY I AM. no, let me rephrase. I LOVE ME, JUST THE WAY I AM. make sense?

it takes a strong woman to embrace themselves, their body image, and be proud of who they are, and who they aren’t. lets help each other get to that point. quit drinkin your haterade and give ups to that female who actually likes the way she looks… be comfortable in your own skin.

“who gives a fuck what a hater gotta say”…even if she says i’m a whale (though i just had a damn baby and STILL look better than she do.)

for a moment there i forgot that no matter how much i like myself, other people will always be happy to hate me.

fuck it.


so, i’ve been told that i eat like an obese man.. maybe thats why i’m fat.. but oh well. I dont care. I love food.

Food is something that you must have the utmost appreciation for, because its something so simple, that can seriously change your day around. For those of you who know me, know that good food = good day. To appreciate something thats so integral to your daily life, leads the way to appreciate the bigger things in life – like shopping and new shiny shoes. hahaha

For my fellow heffers, hope the mention of the following list of some of my favorite things makes you hungry:::

cajun shrimp from Cha Cha Cha
S-1 (BBQ chicken) from Thai BBQ
chicken wings and Sangria from Hooters
Garlic Shrimp, Roti, And Mango and Sticky Rice from Bangkok Garden
Shrimp Scampi from Giovanni’s Aloha Shrimp Truck
Banana Nut Mac Pancakes from Boots and Kimos
White Chocolate Kona Coffee shortbread cookes from honolulu cookie co
Sisigsilog and Coco Chacha from Ihaw Ihaw
Caterpillar Roll from Hiros Sushi
Butterfish, Macadamia Mahi Mahi, and Chocolate Souffle from Roy’s
Garlic noodles and roast crab from Crustaceans/thanh Long
Lobster Tail, and the petit filet from Ruth’s Chris Steak House
Hush Pups and Bucket of Trash from Bubba Gump’s
Galanga Beef, and the peanuts at Betelnut
calamari at Cheesecake Factory
super beef suizas from La Tapatia or Don Picos
shaking beef, caramlized tiger prawns from Slanted Door
Poki from anywhere
Oreo pizookies, and those santa fe rolls from BJ’s
the bread from Red Lobster
the Bread, the sweet potato and the prime rib at Texas Roadhouse
Vanilla Cream Puffs from Beard Papa
FRESH Krispy kreme donuts
flaming hot LAYS, FRITOS, and CHEETOS
white chocolate anything
Clam chowder from Fish Hopper
Garlic Cheesey Bread, Oysters Rockafeller, and Calamri from Fish Market
Costco Churros
Pepperoni Pizza from Blondies
hot dogs w/ the spicy onion sauce from those corner stands in the city
Moon Cake from my Daddy
Kare Kare from Mike’s Mommy (w/ spicy bagoong)
Avocado Smoothies from that place in Serramonte
funnel cake!
Garlic Fries from the ballpark

man, I could go on and on and on and on. I’m hungry now. BTW, Can’t wait for Melting Pot to open on fillmore. mmm.