cuz its been awhile

since i posted a vid of Adonis’…

and cuz this video from my birthday makes me laugh out loud EVERYTIME.

Advertisements

givin’ up.

death by bikram last night was quite eventful.   as i was walking in the studio, i noticed this behemoth of a woman, in my little sister’s shorts, a bush under her arms and more rolls than the local bakery.  just as i was about to pull my phone out and snap a pic, the bitch did a standing split.

A STANDING SPLIT

i can barely touch my fucking toes and this hippo is as flexible as a gymnast. needless to say, i put my phone away and took my moded ass to the back to change.

for lent, i have vowed to give up TALKING SHIT (along with rice and MAKEUP!).  lets see  if i can keep  this blog from becoming very very boring.  lol.

what did u give up?

have you ever..

ever ask someone “how are you?” expecting nothing other than a quick “fine, and you?” but instead get a lifetime sob story to which ur STUCK listening to for the next 10 minutes as u try not to die inside?

yeah, me neither.

LMAO.

didja know?

5 random things.  

1.   that I don’t own a sports bra.    Not  ONE.  i wear regular bra’s to the gym and to sweaty yoga.   Why?  Becuase tryin’ to put my non-existant tatas into a sports bra makes me look even more like a BOY than i already do.  

2.   when i was 13, i broke my jaw in three places and it had to be wired shut for 6 weeks.   i lost hella weight n got down to about 87 lbs…  

3.  hablo espanol. 

4.  i speak exactly the way i write.   EXACTLY.

5.  my favorite mall food is hot dog on a stick.   actually, pepperjack on a stick, a side of fries, and a cherry lemonade.  i’ll also steal some season salt from the cheese steak place to sprinkle on the fries and order some funnel cake sticks for dessert.   i dont care what else is in the mall.. that is what i will have, everytime. 

tag, ur it!   5 random things about you.  ready, and go!

iii know u like to think yo shit don’t stiinkk

but lean a lil bit closer, see the roses really smell like boooo booooo – outkast.

 

 

my current fb status says this:
coworker – why do you nbring a bottle of water to the bathroom?
me – cuz i wash my ass when i take a shit.
her – u mean to tell me, u wash ur ass EVERYTIME u take a shit?
me – u mean to tell me u DON’T?
both – gross.
 

it’s not the first time someone’s been really surprised with my hygeine habits.   in middle school i was the only filipina girl in my class… NO ONE understood what the fuck a tabo was, and i could not comprehend the idea of a “skid mark.”   i just didn’t get it.  

“why don’t you just use toilet paper?”  well why don’t you just wash ur ass!?   

as i got older, i started to appreciate the culture a little bit more… cuz i was always fresher than the next bitch.   and my ass never itched!   (you know who the fuck u are!)   anyway, i know not everyone washes all the time, and when i can’t, them baby wipes come mighty handy.   but please… don’t knock the tabo.  contrary to popular belief, skid marks are not your friend.

size UTI.

i’m wearing a pair of jeans today made out of japanese raw demin with NO STRETCH.  they are so tight, i feel like i’m gonna get a UTI in em.     but i swear this is my size?

the problem with being shaped like a pear is that nothing fits.   pants are always either perfect at the hips and too lose at the waist, or perfect at the waist but then my thighs look like sausage links. the denim creates ROLLS making me appear heftier than i really am.

i’ve always had issues with my weight,… not so much my weight, but my shape.   i’m a thick girl with thin limbs who has decided that the best pants are actually not pants but leggings.

leggings are great right?   right!   except for when you don’t notice your waist getting bigger because there’s always enough STRETCH in them lycra.   but, i digress. 

skinny jeans were made for females, big and small.   we jump, we stretch, we do lunges in our denim, just to get that right fit.  (if you’ve never seen your girl “drop it” in some newly washed denim, then please crawl back under the rock you’ve been hiding in).  point blank, skinny jeans are a fucking HASSLE.    

as of late, i’ve been rockin’ all my “boyfriend” denim and wide legs, just cuz i need to let my pek pek breathe.   she’s my bff, plus the more suffocated she is, the more she’s likely to scream at me.    (less air = FUNK. and no female wants their “spunk” to smell like “funk”!  amen.)  

with that said..
I, Rachel Tan Brito, promise to retire the size UTI jeans in my closet.  That’s why they invented denim leggings!  DUHHHHH!!!

FOHN: Fashion Oh Hell No!!!

One of my very good friends just happens to be THE MOST fashionable person i know.  period.    and because I’m not very nice, I’ve decided to post her expert critique on an outfit that screams HELP ME.  lol.   read on.

How much is too much when accessorizing? I mean there’s gotta be a limit as to how much you can add to an outfit before you become a walking jewelry box or accessory drawer. Case in point… a friend of ours, who by all means is a pretty girl BUT falls into the category of “Unnecessarily Accessorizing”… Big time!!!

Now before you call me a bitch for calling out a friend… keep in mind that a real friend would never let her girl go out like this!!! Now see the picture below in question… Here are all her FOHN’s, in no particular order.

1. The belt circa 1994, has got to go… the dress is already pretty as if with out it. 
2. The leggings, OMG i don’t even wanna go there with the leggings
3. LV purse… got to go!!!
4. I would’ve went w/ a different cardigan… something about all those gold buttons on the front a epilette are driving me crazy
5. and last but not least, I would’ve preferred her hair down

 

LMAO.  I. DIE.   i should have guest bloggers more often.  =)