didja know?

5 random things.  

1.   that I don’t own a sports bra.    Not  ONE.  i wear regular bra’s to the gym and to sweaty yoga.   Why?  Becuase tryin’ to put my non-existant tatas into a sports bra makes me look even more like a BOY than i already do.  

2.   when i was 13, i broke my jaw in three places and it had to be wired shut for 6 weeks.   i lost hella weight n got down to about 87 lbs…  

3.  hablo espanol. 

4.  i speak exactly the way i write.   EXACTLY.

5.  my favorite mall food is hot dog on a stick.   actually, pepperjack on a stick, a side of fries, and a cherry lemonade.  i’ll also steal some season salt from the cheese steak place to sprinkle on the fries and order some funnel cake sticks for dessert.   i dont care what else is in the mall.. that is what i will have, everytime. 

tag, ur it!   5 random things about you.  ready, and go!

iii know u like to think yo shit don’t stiinkk

but lean a lil bit closer, see the roses really smell like boooo booooo – outkast.

 

 

my current fb status says this:
coworker – why do you nbring a bottle of water to the bathroom?
me – cuz i wash my ass when i take a shit.
her – u mean to tell me, u wash ur ass EVERYTIME u take a shit?
me – u mean to tell me u DON’T?
both – gross.
 

it’s not the first time someone’s been really surprised with my hygeine habits.   in middle school i was the only filipina girl in my class… NO ONE understood what the fuck a tabo was, and i could not comprehend the idea of a “skid mark.”   i just didn’t get it.  

“why don’t you just use toilet paper?”  well why don’t you just wash ur ass!?   

as i got older, i started to appreciate the culture a little bit more… cuz i was always fresher than the next bitch.   and my ass never itched!   (you know who the fuck u are!)   anyway, i know not everyone washes all the time, and when i can’t, them baby wipes come mighty handy.   but please… don’t knock the tabo.  contrary to popular belief, skid marks are not your friend.

size UTI.

i’m wearing a pair of jeans today made out of japanese raw demin with NO STRETCH.  they are so tight, i feel like i’m gonna get a UTI in em.     but i swear this is my size?

the problem with being shaped like a pear is that nothing fits.   pants are always either perfect at the hips and too lose at the waist, or perfect at the waist but then my thighs look like sausage links. the denim creates ROLLS making me appear heftier than i really am.

i’ve always had issues with my weight,… not so much my weight, but my shape.   i’m a thick girl with thin limbs who has decided that the best pants are actually not pants but leggings.

leggings are great right?   right!   except for when you don’t notice your waist getting bigger because there’s always enough STRETCH in them lycra.   but, i digress. 

skinny jeans were made for females, big and small.   we jump, we stretch, we do lunges in our denim, just to get that right fit.  (if you’ve never seen your girl “drop it” in some newly washed denim, then please crawl back under the rock you’ve been hiding in).  point blank, skinny jeans are a fucking HASSLE.    

as of late, i’ve been rockin’ all my “boyfriend” denim and wide legs, just cuz i need to let my pek pek breathe.   she’s my bff, plus the more suffocated she is, the more she’s likely to scream at me.    (less air = FUNK. and no female wants their “spunk” to smell like “funk”!  amen.)  

with that said..
I, Rachel Tan Brito, promise to retire the size UTI jeans in my closet.  That’s why they invented denim leggings!  DUHHHHH!!!

FOHN: Fashion Oh Hell No!!!

One of my very good friends just happens to be THE MOST fashionable person i know.  period.    and because I’m not very nice, I’ve decided to post her expert critique on an outfit that screams HELP ME.  lol.   read on.

How much is too much when accessorizing? I mean there’s gotta be a limit as to how much you can add to an outfit before you become a walking jewelry box or accessory drawer. Case in point… a friend of ours, who by all means is a pretty girl BUT falls into the category of “Unnecessarily Accessorizing”… Big time!!!

Now before you call me a bitch for calling out a friend… keep in mind that a real friend would never let her girl go out like this!!! Now see the picture below in question… Here are all her FOHN’s, in no particular order.

1. The belt circa 1994, has got to go… the dress is already pretty as if with out it. 
2. The leggings, OMG i don’t even wanna go there with the leggings
3. LV purse… got to go!!!
4. I would’ve went w/ a different cardigan… something about all those gold buttons on the front a epilette are driving me crazy
5. and last but not least, I would’ve preferred her hair down

 

LMAO.  I. DIE.   i should have guest bloggers more often.  =)

bag lady

last night Abi asked me to bare my soul (a.k.a. the contents of my purse) for her.    And although I did a similar post last year, it was fun and i’m doing it again.   so Hayati, here’s the scoop hula hoop.   (u like that one, huh)

bag – purchased from metropark.  tons of zippers, and black leather – just like the rest of my fall/winter wardrobe.

wallet – same wallet i been rockin for the LONGEST TIME, EVER.  Love, Angel, Music, Baby!    first thing i see when i open it is my card for unlimited eyebrow threading for the next three months.  if you dont know, educate urself!  that shit is CLEAN.

“The Lucky One”, by Nicholas Sparks –  bought this book in Hawaii a couple months back and didnt even open it when I was there.  I was having TOO MUCH FUN with the girlies.    so, I thought I’d bring it with me to LA this weekend just in case I had any downtime.  (doubt that)  I really want to read the new Dan Brown book, but my homie let someone else borrow it, even tho I was next in ine (yes Ariel, I’m talking to YOU.  not friends until Justin returns it.  and Justin – unlike, unlike, UNLIKE)

Hello Kitty Bank of America debit card – currently stuck in my book as a bookmark because I was reading, and contemplating buying something on line at the same time.  see, i can multitask! 

Keys- for the Tahoe, my hizzouse, my mom’s house, my in-law’s house, and my snowboard rack.  all on the same Coach Butterfly keychain I’ve had since 2004.

Cannon SD1100 –  cuz i’m still a camera whore.  and I have 5468435468743574 pictures to prove it.  

Monoi Oil – straight from Tahiti thanks to my Bakeries.   It’s currently replaced my hand lotion and hair serum.  right now tho, its frozen cuz its cold, but i sit on it for a little bit to melt the oil again.  lol.  and when under the sun, slather this on ur skin for that lechon/authentic polynesian look.   3 shades darker guaranteed! 

shades – i reflect the light of my own sun.    (right, soulmate?)

cigarette case – cuz the mirrored star that holds my capri’s is sexier than the white cardboard box it usually comes in.  plus, i can touch up my lipstick on that shit.

which brings me to my lip products – lipliner in beet, lipstick in rebel, burt’s beezwax, and concealer.      cuz i wore lipstick the other day and still havent taken em out. 

mini bottled water – cuz my throat be parched like a mofo.

iphone w/ an aaron kraten/hellz cover.   my phone is my life and its lasted me almost 2 years with just a few scratches.  amazing now how my son knows how to work my phone as well as I do.   the smartest kid! 

speaking of Adonis, I have his Jordans in my bag.    he randomly likes to take his shoes off, and then put them back on again.  i dont know why but whenever he sees these he screams “SHOES!  SHOES!” and gets really excited.   yep, thats my son alright.  

and a couple things that were JUST in my bag but didnt make the pic — a tampon (cuz i’m on my rag) and a granola bar (but i just ate it cuz i’m fat). 

th-th-th-th-th-th-th-tha-tha-th-THATS ALL FOLKS!    whats in ur bag?!

words with friends

“Words With Friends” has officially taken over my life.  this new iphone app has taken note from my favorite board game – scrabble.    you play with your friends, back and forth, at your own pace.   its like….  crack!  

my friends and i sat on the couch Tuesday night completely silent, on our phones, playing each other… jumping up and down that QAT and AZO are real words using 10-point-letters and the highlight of my life was the following game:   EXCUSED for 56 points, double letter, double word.  take that take that.

if u have an iphone, join my hype.  find me!  ID: Raaachem

photo

lesbi-honest.

[repost from Hellz]

i love the ladies. yes i do. i appreciate females in all their sexiness. i am in awe of the woman who walks into a room and OWNS it. trust me when i say that the fellas arent the only ones lookin at the girl who’s showin just enough cleavage to make me wonder if they’re real… at the girl who’s skin is so flawless that i want to touch it… at the girl who’s hips swag so hard that i can hear actual drums in my head. yes girl, you just broke. my. neck.

and i kind of have this staring problem. soooo what? and if i get close enough, i have a tendancy to start smelling her.. from the scent of her hair to what perfume she has on to what kind of laundry detergent she uses… there’s something about a beautiful woman that turns me quasi-lesbian.

and yeah, i’m the kind of girl to kiss my friend Vanessa on the lips when we’re saying hello and good bye, and have no problems telling my hostess at the club that i think she’s absolutely gorgeous. cuz i can appreciate the female form in all its glory. and as much as i’m a hater, i’m a lover all at the same time.

but i’m not sayin i wanna BE with a woman.. im just… SAYIN.

so thank you, ladies, for NEVER disappointing me when i need eye candy. cuz even tho theres an abundance of gals who get it absolutely -100% wrong, there are just as many who get it fly-as-hell-swagga-right-brown-skin-poppin-know-just-how-to-talk-to-me-know-just-how-i-like-it-ur-turnin-me-on-keri-hilson-status-RIGHT. and thank you Dana, for being the FLYEST hostess eh-ver. i’d buy bottles from you anyday.. in fact, i think i luhhhh you.

tagged

cuz jess tagged me, and well..  she’s the bully so i gotta do it right? lol.   here we go. 

What is your current obsession?
– *sigh*  secrets. =)

What is your weirdest obsession?
– is my twilight obsession weird? (same answer as Jess.  lol. )

What are you wearing today?
– black leggings, black gladiators, a grey tank, acid wash vest.

Why is today special?
– its not.  hahaha.

What would you like to learn to do?
– swim.  i’ve been terrified of the water since i was 6 when i drowned in a pool…   and the ONLY reason i wanna learn how to swim is cuz i love tropical places.

What’s for dinner today?
– i havent decided yet.  but i’m still craving paella..  dont think i’ll have that till tuesday tho. 

What’s the last thing you bought?
– gasolina.  at $2.91/gallon.   fuck you, california.

What are you listening to right now?
– the dancehall playlist that i made on imeem today.   my hips are movin like they’re posessed!

What is your favorite weather?
– sunny and mid 80’s.

What is on your bedside table?
– my alarm, my wedding rings, my phone

What is your most challenging goal right now?
– LIFE.

What do you think about the person who tagged you?
– Jess is fuckin amazing.   truly inspirational and a fuckin go getta if i’ve ever seen one.  

If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you like it to be?
– new york city, or the marina district in SF.

Favorite vacation spot?
– hawaii, hands down.   i’m there twice a year. 

What would you like to have in your hands right now?
– paella. i watched this paella cookoff and have not been able to think of anything else since.

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
– the FUTURE.  

Which language do you want to learn?
– portugese.

What is your must have at the moment?
– DSLR.   asap!  anyone got one to recommend? 

One thing that you would snitch out of someone’s closet, with no regrets?
– anything out of lanie’s closet hehe (same answer!)

What’s the favorite piece of clothing in your own closet?
– my plain black zip up hoody.   its like my best friend.

What would you like an endless supply of?
– money.  ha.

What are your plans for this summer?
– ADONIS. traveling. exploring. eating. growing.  laughing. drunking.

BALLZ OUT!

this past weekend, my friends and i entered into a drunk kickball tournament here in Milpitas… third year running and we had the fuckin time of our lives!!! here’s the clip.

GO TEAM GO! BALLZ TO THE WALL!

p.s. youtube took the audio off.  how GAY. 

 

WTFun with WTFriends

on this WTFriday..

just for shits n giggles i changed my AIM status and asked my entire buddy list to take a WTF?! pic just to see who would do it… and the verdict is that I HAVE THE FUNNEST FRIENDS. =)

click the pictures to check their websites / blogs. this post will be updated throughout the day if i get any more in. see em after the jump.

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